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More to come, but I wanted to at least start this blog. As I think about XBF's (who will get a name someday) experiences over the last 20+ years and his mantra that he and his wife are very, very happy, as I think about some of the things he told me about previous women he's been involved with...

An interesting read on a poly forum...before realizing these are cats! :D

Many great thoughts in here. I noticed yesterday that some celebrity has been called sexist for saying something negative about a single individual woman...and then was called sexist for saying something positive about another woman! Sexism is about thinking X of all people of a certain...

Let's say I don't intend to be harsh, but I'm also not going to spend my energy looking for a gentler way of saying it. Having been one of those secondaries, that's exactly how I ended up feeling--that I was expected to be his chew toy and not get so cocky (is that a good choice of words for...

I would suggest you take a step back from him (sounds like you have already decided that) and relationships in general and spend a little time really thinking about what Angelina has said. It might help you answer some of your own questions. Here are a few others: What does it mean to you to...

Just an observation--in years of reading here and elsewhere on poly, it seems that the vast majority of women feel their metamours are not a good match for their husbands/boyfriends--if not at first, within a few months. Throw in 3, 5, and 6--pressure to fill the void left by her absence and...

Profound and remarkable that something written so long ago speaks so clearly. This is exactly what I found. XBF could not be a true friend/ true partner to his wife and to me both. She was threatened by realizing he was in love with me. She was angry that I wasn't going to come home and be...

That's great! Where? At the Secondary Store in the Arm Candy Aisle? How much did he (it?) cost? Why would she want that? Did he tell her this would be a real relationship? Like any other? That could go anywhere they wanted it to? Or did he tell her this would be one or two nights a week...

XBF--who is in an open marriage and calls himself poly--typically met women online and through kink and poly groups (fetlife, FL meetups, swinger events, Ashley Madison, hookup sites), by hanging out at bars and open mics while his wife was out having sex with other men, or at online venues...

You say you are looking for a way to exclude her in one post. You later say you're not making her feel unwanted--even as you admit you were seeking a way to 'exclude' her. I have to agree with powerpuff. Both your words here and in your blog speak volumes about your disdain for her and you...

Congratulations on the muse striking once again! I'm in artistic fields, too. I can relate. Also about the business and realizing our behavior may come back to bite us. Are you already doing some speaking in your new place? What are you speaking about? How do you feel your morals are at...

It is unfair to turn this into an issue of 'jealousy' on your husband's part. You told him you would let go of any other man for him. That is what he wanted and agreed to and moved forward on--and now you're assigning a character flaw to him if he doesn't just accept that and smile. These are...

I'm sorry. It sounds like a terrible month. I hope all goes well with Steel.

It's a different conversation because it didn't really address what she actually said. Which is why I said 'different' and not 'disagree.' ;) Clearly some here feel that he should have spoken up immediately. I do wonder, had he repeatedly said no...no...and still no...would some of those...

I'm going for the benefit of the doubt, but grasping at straws. It sure sounds like you just suggested no one on this board has read more than one book, which would usually come across as a pretty insulting statement. Presumably you didn't mean it that way. I first saw the statement quoted...

I can so relate. I've kept journals since I was 13, and I now realize as an adult there was some of that going on in my family of origin, too. But I started writing down every conversation with XH for exactly that reason--because he was gaslighting me. Of course, I didn't know it at the time...

This seems to be a different conversation than what anmikanon actually said. I suspect there was absolutely no action on his part that could have led to a healthy relationship--because of the situation he was in. He didn't want poly and I'm guessing his past experiences told him the issue was...

The OP asked about 'being shamed.' A boss assuming you and your wife are not together is not what I would consider 'shaming.' And having a different view doesn't mean anyone 'fears' anything. It means they have a different view, which may well be founded in valid reasons. I think this is...

This is the problem with forums. We give advice based on one side of the story, usually with very few actual facts, and on the assumption that the poster is 1) fully honest and 2) fully aware of self, others, the complete situation. For instance... It seems there were issues regarding Moon...

Why Secondaries End Up Feeling Like Chew Toys Ouch. 'Getting him someone.' To placate him and keep him sated and happy in order to make your sex with others easier. I came to this forum originally trying to understand how poly could possibly work as my XBF told me it could. He himself...