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Surferjenn We spoke and I've never seen him so broken. I asked him if I could speak first and took full responsibility for everything, that I would commit fully to fixing us, my screwed up thinking and asked him to take some time before filing the divorce. He's broken because exactly what he...

SurferJenn I wish you good luck, and I am going to also chime in because your situation has some, not all, similarities to mine. One thing I think you better be thinking about that has not been mentioned is lets say hopefully your husband is willing to attempt to reconcile with you. I think...

Shaya, You are a real smart man and I love the way you write. I'm very impressed by your husband. I've never heard of someone taking in the kind of news you've given to him with such stoicism. Not sure stoicism is the right word. The conversations were and will still be difficult. He just is...

Anamikanon I have read on infidelity forums but really don't identify with the cheating wife profiles there. I broke boundaries but not all the time and I kept others. i don't think I "cheated" and hubby has not acted like a betrayed husband who can't eat, sleep, or function. You are right...

Thanks Anamikanon I have a lot of work to do before I can say I saved my marriage. I think a way to put it is I stopped the timebomb from ticking. I am in for a big adjustment. i have spent the last two years basically living the totally free woman life for 20 days a month. I could interact...

SlowPoly, Thank you. I think I need to journal to help me keep my thoughts straight. I thought about stating a blog here but i don't think a back to mono blog would be real popular. We'll see. I have quite a bit of stuff to unravel and it all has to be done by August 1. That includes totally...

SurferJenn First, I am sorry at what has happened. I had some similarities in my situation. I forced the issue, and i understand now how the DADT thing makes it very easy to not read the right signals. just reading what you wrote, I think knowing you were being intimate with this couple if...

Wow, I have been home for a week and came to the site to update my thread and read one that was just posted that was too familiar in some of the aspects. I did some o the same things and hopefully I will be luckier. Anyway, in the past week I have discovered that poly or mono my life is about...

Animikanon, Very thoughtful comments. Seems like no matter how it is put its obvious there is a communications gap here. I do think some of that is because he is gone so much. Folks in traditional marriages have the same thing happen when one spouse is gone constantly. The only part of what...

Thank You All, It seems like it is apparent there definitely is a communication gap here between my husband and I, and everyone is right. I need to find out the what is bothering him BEFORE I start assuming and making decisions for him. Pink Pig- I used to go on a lot of business trips with...

Shaya, Thank you for your thoughts. I know I am NOT in an affair. And I do not think I need to look at this as "affair" recovery. The reason I spent months constantly talking to my husband about non monogamy, or poly, or whatever you want to call what we decided to do, was because I knew if I...

Gala Girl, You tell me if you think the agreements were unrealistic. I think they were pretty fair, given that this was all my idea and quite frankly I would have agreed to a lot more in order to get my way back then. Without all the dialogue as to keep it short, the agreements were (1) safe...

Kevin, Thank you. You have it right. There is just absolutely no way I am going to sit my husband down, tell him I m ready to stop having sex with other men out of the clear blue sky, and have him just nonchalantly say "great". He makes multi million dollar decisions every day and is a very...

GalaGirl, Planned to let him know last night but I could tell he was preoccupied with a big business meeting he has this week in California. He left this morning. I am going to do exactly what you said to do. I am going to talk to him during the week and ask for an uninterrupted week end for...

Shaya, There is a lot to think about in what you have said. Too tired now but I want to respond tomorrow.

Girl, My husband had or has had that I know of any interest in seeing other women. Don't know when he'd have much time. He works ridiculous hours and spend more time on airplanes in different time zones than I even want to think about. I love him so much for what he has sacrificed to provide...

Vinsanity, Exactly what I need to do. I believe e I am mentally prepared to do exactly that, anything to save my marriage. Whatever that may be.

Gala Girl, Thank you for responding. Since I have joined here I have always liked reading your always well thought out responses. The chunk of time thing is what scares me. I know he went through a lot of emotional turmoil before accepting this journey I have undertaken and I am not sure how he...

Dagferi, Not sure what you mean here. If you are saying its only possible to go from monogamy to poly and not back I really do not believe that. If I was so committed to never considering "putting this genie" back in the bottle I would just not even bother trying to solve this and keeping my...

Pink Pig, Thank you for your reply. I have actually started to do what you say. I have ended two relationships that I had been having. I am pretty sure I can go back to monogamy. Nothing in my sexual bucket list has not been done. Right now my sex drive is actually down a lot because of the...