Search results

And I really like the cautions and experiences everyone shared- thank you! That's comforting, and helps me calibrate better.

Oh, and side note- we're actually pretty compatible on thinking changjng plans is a big deal. It may even bother him more than me-- and it seems to have bothered him that it happened more than it bothered me, and he's actively trying out solutions. He also has appreciated the feedback as...

Yeah, I'm not that compatible with still opening up couples in general. Or maybe I am - it kind of depends what they are looking for- a fast track, or a slow track. I would have no problems with a partner of mine with fibro cancelling on me because they needed to. There would be no feelings...

I think I've answered my own dilemma somewhat. It seems to me that I can tell him I'm concerned about what I need being too much to ask-- because it would be too much to ask of myself at the same age-- and it getting to be too heavy to ask of someone. and let him respond. I'm totally willing...

How much leeway do you give someone emotionally for being younger? I have what feels like a really unfair situation, on all. I am dating someone who is 10 years younger than me, and I tend to be mature So is he-- and really incredibly so. I've been through a couple opening up before...

You deserve a comfortable place. If he cannot negotiate that, then it is okay to say, "I cannot do these visitations under these circumstances". You are having understandable and reasonable reactions to the circumstance. That means the circumstance needs to change. If she is so upset she...

That is an amazingly great point about, "why do I even know"? The answer is a desire to distinguish "I don't want this with you" with "I do, but I'm afraid,'and need to tread carefully". Which of course, is actually the same thing- it won't happen. What I'm trying to remind myself, and this...

Just read the book, "who moved my cheese?" All about change- and leveraging it- and thriving through it and because of it. This is SO applicable to poly, where so often the landscape changes when at least one party was hoping it would stay the same How that is handled is the difference in...

Thank you. I feel good about the path,'and appreciate your support, I think I'm taking it one step further, even. Negotiation hasn't worked; we've talked all the talking I have in me, and while some of that is recent and may have effect, I'm going to go with disengagement as necessary. I...

Or even- just done with chaos as an acceptable relationship component. If it can be sorted out on their end, or sorted so it doesn't affect me-- that my partner and I are able to work on and hold stability as a dominant attribute of our relationship, independent of what is happening in the...

It also may or may not be reasonable on their part. My feeling is over 3 years is long enough to be able to work through CP, and that's really because 3 years is too long for me to be in limbo waiting for it to disappear. That's valid whether or not the other side has legitimacy. I've made...

Thanks, you are right about the anonymity, - and I actually don't need help figuring out if I'm being gaslighted. Things are being said I can't rely on, and while it may or may not not be gaslighting, it has the same effect- and the same consequences- and I think I have arrived at my solution...

Writing this, I realized I'm feeling gaslighted, rightly or wrongly I've definately gotten impressions of how things are and how they were going to be and what was on the table that turn out to be false. Maybe THAT is what I need to address.

I'm in a 3-year relationship where my frustration with CP (couple privilege) is really the only major issue. My partner is woke on the issue, and they and their other partner discuss it. However-- it's still there in some of the harder areas to deal with (like time and barriering and living...

I totally agree with you- definitely my position/ nice to hear it so well articulated! (To galagirl'a thing)

You also can let him know you need reassurance he wants to be with you, rather than only people ready this instance to procreate Or- "I hope that happens for you- maybe even with me, but I'm not ready to go there yet." That offers him reassurance,

Try empathize get, rather than think you need to solve: I know you do" Or- I remember what that felt like- before I had kids, wanting them" Or, "yeah, kids are fun" lso- you could let him know- "I need a temporary brwk from kid talk today- would it be okay to talk about other things on this...

I think the hinkiness I detect is actually a standard tolerance thing- the dilemma of "does wanting to support mean tolerating all viewpoints, and does tolerating all viewpoints equal not questioning if a pattern or belief is healthy as a society?" And therefore- are you destroying support by...

Galagirl, you're definately onto me detecting something hinky, though I do think the group is generally pretty healthy, and I portrayed it without some of the mitigating details, and dissent is not that big a deal at all. I agree with most of what you say, but think- and this is an idea that...

Ravenscroft- that. Short term safety net is a possible legitimate reason. In the "we're exploring poly; we're not claiming to be poly yet" stage. And I could have patience with that. Maybe even do a guest star/non- relational thing. But like gala girl said, it has an expiration.