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Your wife doesn't really get a say in whether you choose to find a place for the sake of your own mental health. That sounds like a refusal to accept that there might be real consequences to the changes she wants in her life. If you think it would be emotionally helpful for you, it'll also very...

I'm going to add based off my previous comment: my ex was also a serial monogamist. He was a month out from separating when we first met, and we got together a few months after that. In our post break-up sessions, he admitted that he was "hopping off our boat" to jump to this new person, and...

I don't think this is significantly due to anything hormonal happening with your wife, whether that's from second puberty or New Relationship Energy. I don't think this is other's intent, but I think when we begin considering these as genuine reasons for mistreatment, then we are enabling...

I think you've already stated them, but it doesn't seem like you're adhering to them. Considering dealbreakers can be helpful, but it's also helpful to think about what your fantasies/desires are, even ones that currently seem like a pipe dream. Like "in my ideal partner, they would be like...

I disagree with your last statement, mainly because that can lead to expending a lot of energy trying to control something that isn't her problem to control (or really even within her power). It can also lead to growing distrust and heighten some issues. Unless you mean "trust your gut if he...

Do you have anyone in your life you feel comfortable talking to about these issues? I would focus right now on expanding/strengthening your support network outside of your husband. It seems like you're being pressured quite often and made to feel like your needs don't matter. Wishing you the best.

Welcome to the site! If you're willing to answer some questions, it might help you receive more targeted advice: - What type of non-monogamy are you desiring at the moment? - Have you talked about non-monogamy with your partner before in any capacity? Casually, seriously, etc. - Do you have...

Is there a reason you're asking them to dm instead of dropping your perspective in this thread? This forum group is specifically meant for public discussion.

Your poems are genuinely impressive. Is poem-writing something that comes intuitively to you, or is it more a labor of love? Or is it both? Glad you trusted your gut. That sounds like a pretty terrifying situation to be in.

If you don't mind me asking, how has the housing situation impacted you? I could see how something that was meant to be temporary but is now going on 6 years could be very taxing. Especially if the change in expectations wasn't explicit. (was it?)

It sounds like you're already doing about the extent of what you can do regarding her reconnecting with this lover. If you're already being encouraging and upfront about your support for it, it's now on her to decide if she wants to pursue it. It's possible your wife doesn't desire polyamory...

I apologize if any of that came off aggressively. These types of situations hit very close to home for me, so I tend to have some very strong convictions about them. Your points are valuable, and honestly they're even valuable in monogamous relationships when considering how your partner...

I don't think I agree with your take on this. Their partner has already failed on several occasions to be honest during negotiations, and to follow through with them. To continue to negotiate is likely going to just lead to more and more dwindling of expectations, and it seems like often tends...

That's definitely a thing about the American religious ideal of "Date to marry". It's a lot of pressure to put on kids who might just want to figure out what they want out of romantic relationships in the first place. Thanks for sharing :)

This is a great point, and is one of the reasons that I'm planning on moving out of my current area, where lgbt community spaces are rare and diminishing. Dates through apps can be really stressful. I can even feel myself constantly evaluating "Is this person someone I'd want to date?", and I...

This sounds like issues that are beyond relationship dynamics. Your wife isn't just incapable of monogamy, she's incapable of the basic tenets of being a respectful partner. Even if you were in a polyamorous relationship, the following behaviors are still very irresponsible: - She tells others...

Have y'all heard of Pluribus? From the same creator of Breaking Bad, and it's partially set in Albuquerque. :)

Boundaries are interesting. I read a book about them, and it was a great read. She brought up a lot of concise examples and discussed different types of relationship dynamics. Something she emphasized was that you can never control others actions, but you can control your reactions to them. I...

Don't forget to check in with yourself often about how you're feeling about the sudden shift, especially if it does end with them separating and you staying together. While you can't control their relationship, it's valid to be emotionally impacted by the difficult situation. I hope it works out...

This was a topic discussion that came to me, and I'm excited to hear from y'all about your personal experiences. As I've gotten older (currently 26), I've found myself trying less hard to impress people when going on dates with them. That being said, I still get bummed out if it doesn't end up...