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I try to do something to make things easier and all it is still doing is leaving me a broken wreck. I wish I knew how to stop myself from falling apart.

Seven had sent a message apologizing after showing me fire cups (I got upset) supplier he had found. He then continued with mentioning he and Lamian would be starting therapy in November but he didn't know how long it would be to know if we'd be able to get back together and with the promotion...

The thing is, he knows that it pisses me off. This isn't a conversation we've had once. Or twice. But multiple times. And each time I've made it clear that as long as he expects to treat me as a mother and not do jack shit (even when asked) I'll treat him like a son and not have sex with him...

Started having a talk with Woodsmith regarding the lack of sex in our life. I had to restate that his abandonment of me emotionally during my depression made me not rant to be with him and next explain that I feel more like a mother than a spouse and that just icks me out to the sex idea. Then...

Right. And all of this bullshit going on (not just relationship with Seven wise) has me feeling like I have nothing. Oh wait, that's not true. I have a person who despite saying he loved me was unable to act in a way to be able to be with me (and despite saying he wants me back keeps letting...

I thought I was done with this fucking fucking to pieces. I lied. To myself and pretty much everyone I had talked to. I haven't given up hope for getting back with him. The one way I think I could is to not be in love with him and I don't know how to stop loving him.

Returned home from Artica (that's the burn I was at). I was much more apprehensive about the burn than I was the munch and surprising that's the one that went easier. I was more afraid of having problems there because it was another burn (Interfuse) that Seven and I realized we had more feelings...

Made it through the munch. Wasn't easy. Met a few really cool people, explained my situation, got support that way. Woodsmith met a few people he may get a little play experience with if we go to the group's Halloween party. I'm a little apprehensive about that due to how difficult last night...

Apparently the kink munch is a lot harder than I expected. Leaving me upset and in tears missing him and what we had. I thought I'd be able to do tonight but now I don't know.

Yesterday had the first day since the breakup that Seven and I were home the whole day by ourselves. He was off work and I had to take a sick day because I got hit with a bout of vertigo (and then medication to counteract it slept me out for a few hours). Was a little awkward but not as bad as...

I did take it down. Since I do want to repair her and mine friendship and she was somewhat distraught over the idea of people she knows knowing her life via the internet. I felt that leaving it up would be more detrimental. I didn't delete it, just made it visible only to myself. Since posting...

I'm not sure on the scat. From what I understand it has something to do with Canadian law. As far in bestiality, pedophilia, and incest (because it is true in most cases) those are not allowed because of the fact that they are done in a lack of consent aspect. Talking about roleplay as family...

Wow, I'm kinda aghast now. Lamian asked me to take down the note and when talking to her about it found out some stuff that makes the idea of getting back with Seven one that would need a lot of changes. Apparently that was the first she had known of some things like there being sex before last...

What he asked me to put at the end "This reads like a very accurate description of what how our relationship developed, what it was, and how it has waned. I fully admit to failing to communicate when it was absolutely necessary. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I never thought of you as a toy...

Note Part 2 Then the end of that weekend came and his work called with an offer for a promotion and a move. If he does get it, then there is no need for the talk because I can't do long distance and from what it sounds like the move would be very soon. If he doesn't than yes, I do hope for the...

Note Part 1 What I typed up. One of my best friends, my ex, and someone who I still (and probably always will) love immensely and care about deeply is highly likely leaving. Moving to a new city in a new state for his work. I'm glad that this opportunity came up for him but all I feel is...

Lots of painful emotions I'm working on processing. Also really anxious for finding a home. It's a prerogative right now (need a pre-approval to make and offer is the spot currently in).

So Seven actually is probably going to be moving to Indiana at the end of this month/beginning of next. He got offered a promotion that would put him there. No matter how things would go between us I can't do long distance so it is the end of that all. There's a big part of me that wants to...

Next time Butch tries to pull any of the BDSM stuff on you I wonder what would happen if you said something like "for someone who wants to be a slave you sure seem to be demanding people do what you want them to".

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