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*runs down the halls naked and cry-laughing* Hi, my name is Pixie and I'll be the bumbling village idiot, here to overcare, overfeel, overshare, overthink, and overdo. ~30 years active so far and at least 12 more to go. And yes, thanks to some mix of depression, mania, and anxiety I'm acutely...

Facts: Humans are weird. Bodies are gross. Depression is a theif. NRE is super amazing! 3 chaotic weeks between therapy sessions is a bit long... My life is both going pretty well, AND going pretty haywire at the same time!! Exhub needs to stop trying to micromanage me. My brain is a...

Just real quick before I fade to sleep... That thing that hapoens where most of life is going well for me and I suddenly start getting REALLY BIG AND POWERFUL urges to be some kind of reckless, over and over till something blows up, because my shadows and demons are whispering "how dare I be...

*whimper* Part of me wants to post a big personal truth spill on my Fb because I've been doing a lot of thinking and feeling and it might be good to update/ remind people of how I work...... But another part wants me to keep it vague, which ALWAYS leads to misunderstandings and awkward...

Not enough time to type So much has been going on lately, in money ways, health of my immediate people's ways, love/lust ways, and..... On the one hand, I've accepted that I tend hearts that may be wounded till they can shine on their own again. To the point that I want to write a letter that...

**amendment to prior entry** Goth isn't just in an asexual phase. He's actually in an asexual, aromantic, aphysical-contact phase. So he's cool with me hanging out, and sleeping next to him. I just can't expect any physical comforts. Just hang back and leave all initiative to him on that realm...

Well, damn... on the list of things that suck in life stoping a stretch of being celibate to be fluid bound to one person and then hitting a while where they become asexual while your drive is super superhigh and you don't want to have that kind of intimacy with other people for outstanding...

Sike! -Life Or Life can say "Oh look, Pix made plans for herself again, but she's met her quota for good times atm, so we're gonna go ahead and stop those plans, at the last minute." and "To help her learn her lesson, let's also keep her weekend in Limbo long enough for her to get hopeful, then...

Nice weekend, then the demons returned.... My weekend began on Friday. Sunshine and I spent hours together cooking a huge batch of potatoes so I could take them to 2 different gatherings on Saturday and hopefully feed about 50 people with them. M1 had a half day at school, but was actually in...

depression on the Full Moon. wee? Have I mentioned lately that I hate depression??? Cuz I freeking HATE DEPRESSION!!!! Spent about 30 hours at Goth's hanging out with him, family, and a couple friends, playing board games. I helped work on clearing a junk pile and actually had a good idea that...

There's a lot I want to say, and I keep not feeling like there's enough time. Between Monkeys and I being sick so much (as well as exhub, Sunshine/Roommate, and my grands: aka everyone who is familiar with watching monkeys on their own) it became fully evident that a brick and mortar job is...

*much relief* Last weekend I came home crying and half distraught with "Oh gods, what's gonna happen" regarding Goth, and this weekdn I came home bubbly, giggly, and overflowing with relief!!! So, we didn't actually talk about the things that were bugging him. But he initiated affection with...

Happy New Year!! We made it!! (well, trying to be positive) First, a minor gripe from family xmaspt3. We spent the night with family 3 hours away. Monkeys on an air mattress, me on a single bed next to them. 2 feet of the beds in contact. Monkey1 spent 3am-4am crying at me because I wouldn't...

That was real, but not so fun. Exhub remembered today that his dad had band practice in the basement this afternoon-evening, so taking monkeys there wouldn't work. Maybe a park? too cold and getting dark out. Well, he came over here and fixed dinner while I took a shower. Then we ate with...

Sad realization I figured out a couple months ago that I haven't been a priority in Smith's world for many years, and maybe not even when we were dating the first time very much. The more recent was more out of convenience. While this carries some pain, it actually helps when I feel "left...

Xmas morning haunted by dream... What I told FB (edited for privacy): My last dream of the night, took place in the house in BigCity (many states away) from when I was ~11-13 years old. But instead of my family being there, it was the home of a couple of my MostRecent Former coworker friends...

Sometimes....... So, Thing that's been going on: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=82439 has gotten more messy. Not the direct way, either. I went to a holiday party with my former coworkers, including many friends, as Sunshine's guest. her bf was there, one of the young-ish...

another approximate analogy: Auditioning as understudy for a co-lead role. Allowing yourself to dream of maybe taking the co-lead role someday, while reminding the directors you're only comfortable being an understudy. Then being cast to stagehand. I'm better in offstage supportive roles...

I would have to agree on the restless/ contact hunger. For a few weeks I've been more hungry for affectionate contact than I usually have been for the last many months. I find myself to be highly extroverted, to the point where I sometimes get lost on my own without going anywhere. Similar to...

Another word that's sort of along the right lines, but not quite: Empty nest.