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Let me see if I can remember to hit everything here-- bad memory, and being on a phone, I'm likely to forget something. I didn't mention the age thing because, honestly, I didn't plan to get this deep in the relationship on here; it was mainly a way for me to "talk" out the extreme feelings I...

You make a fair enough point, I can admit that. We have explained to the kids about loving more than one person, but we haven't fully explained her connection with him to them. Basically my concern is how it will affect the kids emotionally if they make that intimate and connection between him...

Ok, so not a positive update, but an update nonetheless: Yesterday was her day to spend with the other guy. (I'm gonna just refer to him as "L" from here on.) The plan was for him to come over in the morning to spend some time with the kids, as well as help my wife bake a cake for his family. He...

The timing was good as that I had a point of reference like: after you go see him tomorrow, it would make me feel more comfortable if you could give me some basic details (we went for a walk, watched a movie, things like that). So that it was something we could put into practice right away. We...

Definitely nothing inappropriate about it! Make sure you both sit down somewhere you can be focused and not get disturbed while talking about it too. Leave no room for "I didn't hear" or "I misunderstood." I don't have the experience so say whether or not to include something like an...

As of right now, since I'm not seeing anyone else, I don't have to worry too much about finding the right balance of telling/not telling/telling some, but all of this will definitely be something I talk to my wife about and find what's right for us. What is actually super helpful right now is...

I can certainly relate to the feeling. I have my own post about how I recently found myself in a similar situation. ESPECIALLY the "all consuming emotional connection". I cant say I have any wisdom or suggestions that everyone else hasn't given, but one thing that is definitely helping me on a...

I can definitely understand that. Not that im looking at anyone else at this time, but I certainly see what you mean about breaking a third person's right to privacy.

I would have no problem relaying any details. She is the one who had established that she didn't want to know what happened.

Just following up again: Last night I went out on my own for a few hours, nothing crazy, just hit up a local bar that has some arcade games and hung out for a bit under 3 hours. The main point was to be on my own and finding some independence. Overall it was good, but I feel awkward just being...

Just to give a small update: We are still making an attempt to work things out while doing our individual therapies. She has agreed to not give up on "us" until we at least get to do some couples therapy as well. I am not seeing anyone or seeking anyone else yet, but I am going out on my own...

I can accept that sentiment, and I have worded it poorly as well. When WE made the decision, it was with the goal (at the time) of involving a third person in OUR sex life. There was no intent for either of us to be involved with another person separately. There is definitely an imbalance, and...

I may not agree with it, or even like it, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to listen to it. I will say, some of your responses come off to me as rude for no reason, but it is what it is. We clearly didn't do the proper amount of reading/research, but we did talk extensively about opening...

Thought i should "formally" introduce myself. I am 39, m from upstate NY. I am married, but in uncertain waters with that relationship (posted already about it). As of right now I'm just on here to learn and hopefully get to know some people and have a few friendly chats.

Thank you all for the input! A lot of the volatility of all this came from a huge amount of NRE between my wife and the new guy, as well as unresolved issues between us. (She admitted to having been hiding her feelings about them from me, and basically hoping they would "go away.") So we are...

I appreciate the advice and I'll definitely do some reading. To be a bit more clear, when we decided to open the relationship, it wasn't with any poly-intent from either of us, purely physical play with others. Her emotional attachment (2nd guy, first was never anything serious) wasn't planned...

Just looking to get some other perspectives on my situation: There is a very convoluted story about how all this came to be, but I will stick to the main points to keep this short-ish. My wife and I (both 39, married 20 years) decided to open the relationship; it was talked about and discussed...