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Not so much "anti-poly", but rather pointing out a couple of flaws when it comes to human interaction & relationships. If fewer people would quit sugar coating everything with fallacies about "infinite love", and claiming that partner A is "still enough" despite wanting to fuck someone else...

This happens quite a lot. There are people who can understand it on an intellectual level, yet put into practice, it can be tough, if not impossible to reconcile. It doesn't mean that anyone is any more enlightened than the other. Much like a heterosexual man/woman can understand why some people...

John Lennon once said, "Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time." To you, this may not be the case, but it certainly sounds like it is for Glasses. It's good that you're talking about it, and trying to see his perspective. Remember, this is a major adjustment that, from his vantage point...

I guess it depends on what "keeping at it" entails. The things you mention, aren't what I would exactly say "aren't normally done". In fact, I'd say they're done quite often. But whether something is "normally done", doesn't speak to whether it's morally appropriate. But I digress... I'm...

I'm not sure where everyone is getting the idea that he snooped through his wife's phone. Unless I'm mistaken (please correct me if I'm wrong money), he confronted her with phone records which are on the phone bill. And unless the phone is in her name without him, and she pays the bill, it...

I think a couple of important questions you need to ask yourself first are... 1. If she rejects it, are you ok with that? 2. Are you willing to end your marriage even if you agree not to pursue poly? Coming from someone in your wife's shoes, I can assure you it can be devastating to hear that...

Blame the victim? Do you not see the irony in that statement? Someone who poly bombs their spouse is not a victim of anything. Clearly, the communication problems are just as much their doing as it is their partner's. And falling in love with someone else because they want their "needs met"...

Be that as it may, it's equally foolhardy, as well as dismissive, to try & divert the attention away from poly as playing any role, let alone the vital one it often does. Sure, when couples erode, there are usually several things that contribute. But all too often, I see people try to exonerate...

Fascinating how betrayal tends to harden the heart.

Of course relationships go better in those cases, but that wasn't what I was getting at. Whether one partner feels like a victim or not, doesn't change whether or not they are victims. Some can put the blame, anger and hurt aside & move on, but that doesn't in any way mean that they share a...

Respectfully, I have to disagree. Intimacy, like love, can be one sided. If partner "a" believes & trusts partner "b" to be sincere, his/her feelings of trust & bonding are in no way negated. The feeling of giving & receiving intimacy is the same. Granted, when partner "a" learns the truth...

I guess it depends on which side of the equation we're talking about. For the one dropping the bomb, you might be right. But for the other partner, there is no distinction between real intimacy and fake if there is no sign of a gap ever displayed. This happens all the time when someone keeps a...

Well, for starters... You skipped an extremely important distinction. I asked why you felt the need to share things about OTHER PEOPLE. Huge difference. I'm not at all concerned with why you share about yourself. We all have our reasons, and we all have the right to share, or remain private when...

So you don't think it's possible for one partner to have deep connections, feelings or even love towards someone who wasn't being their true selves? Support someone was just really good at hiding who they were, and partner "b" falls in love with who they thought they were... Not only does it...

I guess the part that I find most baffling is, why do you feel a "need" to share things about other people? Out of curiosity... suppose Zen texts you a picture of his junk. Would you show that to other people as well? Or is that fair game too unless he specifies not to?

Please understand that I recognize that there are instances where sharing is not inappropriate. If I'm feeling down because I miss ny dad, I won't get upset if my wife tells someone about it. However, if a friend confides to me that he's been suffering erectile dysfunction (hypothetically...

Almost forgot... I will say that I agree with you in part. If I share something that gets out when it shouldn't have, I too am to blame. Perhaps I shouldn't have trusted her (or whoever) with something so personal.

And it's certainly your right not to feel it disrespectful when someone gossips about you. But still, we're talking about an arbitrary decision to gossip about someone else without bothering to figure out if they're okay with it. Erring on the side of privacy should be obvious. Of course having...

We've been married for 18 years, and have known each other for 23. Of course we've had conversations about privacy. While I do recognize that some people were raised to be more open then others, it really has nothing to do with this. Some people don't air their dirty laundry, some do... but...

It's interesting that you keep bringing up "control" in this situation. Despite the fact that the point that I'm emphasizing is one person's desires to keep something about themself private is not controlling anyone. It's possible we're running on 2 different definitions of "place", "right"...