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It's true that we may not understand the pain caused to a poly spouse, inversely, the poly spouse has no understanding of the pain caused to the mono spouse by such a revelation. Personally, I think that successful mono/poly relationships are rare at best, if not a myth altogether. Why would...

I won't claim to speak for the original poster, but from the mono perspective, there's a fundamental difference that often blocks the ability to even consider that as an option. Sure, there are those that make that sacrifice & take on an additional partner he/she never wanted, but that's more of...

I'd say you did the right thing with regards to voicing your concern. The thing is, that his involvement with another partner DOES affect you, since he is involved with you. Sure, he's an adult & can make his own decisions, but you are part of the mix, so unless you have an agreement where you...

Speaking as a mono partner who had, virtually, the exact same thing happen to me, I can tell you that if he says he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it, there will NEVER be any convincing him. With some people, there is a fundamental difference in the way we view love. Trying to explain...

Honestly, if you're interested in getting into a poly relationship, that's all well & good, BUT, with your boyfriend & her, it sounds like there's just way too much drama to make it happen. Maybe someday you'll find the right set of people who can click down the line. I would just avoid it with...

No, my wife has never been my only social connection. My circle is small, but I do have other friends. That being said, there are personal things that I would never feel comfortable talking to anyone else about. I've also never had a problem with her having friends. For some reason, that...

NO, this was not at all what I was advocating. I understand that there are risks depending on how strong the desire is to live a poly life. But there are risks by opening up & telling these things to a partner. If it means that it's better to part ways, then fair enough. But never assume that...

To be completely honest, I've only seen It's a Wonderful Life once, and it was a really long time ago. So I don't remember much about it, and can't say one way or another if it applies. Now, I'm not advocating being sneaky, or hiding crushes. If the poly within is that strong, then what we have...

It was my wife that came out as poly, I'm the mono. Now, it's true that it doesn't have to be painful, but sometimes it is. It all depends on the individual. And that's why, in the beginning, I make it a point to point out the fact that, people know their partners than any of us here on this...

And that's fine for you as well. Look, I'm not advocating that anyone do anything in particular, other than what works for him/her. My point simply, is that when we have to choose A or B, we must consider the consequences of each choice. NO ONE is entitled to both. Like you said yourself, the 2...

Not unreasonable of you at all... If you're going to attempt to understand his poly feelings, then that door swings both ways. You deserve the same courtesy. I would start by letting him know if there are certain circumstances where you don't feel comfortable talking about the other partner.

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for clarifying. Given the context, it wasn't a "passive aggressive" remark, just one that many poly folks don't take too kindly to. In your case, I really don't see the harm in trying it. As long as you don't push him beyond his comfort zone, then feel free to...

This, in my opinion, is one of the great disconnects that make the mono/poly compromise so rarely successful. Monos get offended at the thought that they're not enough, and polys get offended that monos are offended. As Dingedheart mentioned, context is important. How & where the conversation...

I'm not suggesting anyone live a lie. But it's crucial to know that words & actions have consequences. That's why I suggested thinking very hard about what the OP wants, before choosing what to say, if anything at all. A lot of people don't realize it, but, in the construct of a marriage, or at...

As much as this may be an unpopular suggestion, or at the very least, a doomsday scenario, there is a distinct possibility that this could get very ugly. Of course, you know her better than any of us, but speaking from my own experience, this has the potential to change, and even ruin a marriage...

I was in a similar boat. Mono with a wife who came out as poly. We never opened, because I could never bring myself to do it. Do you have a specific outcome? Would you prefer to stay closed, or does ultimately being open appeal to you?

There's nothing wrong with being mono. As a mono myself, I'm actually quite comfortable with the one on one, as opposed to multiples. Neither is better or worse that the other, some are just more suited for one or the other. Having these feelings (primarily jealousy) doesn't make you a piece of...

Is it possible that the two of you are pretty much just staying together out of convenience? Not to sound brash, but I'm not noticing very much adoration for your husband, and sometimes vice versa. Unless I'm reading it wrong, but there seems to be a ton of "relief" when you two are apart.

You're welcome. Sometimes, I'm not sure if I'm helping, but I'd like to think that I try :D. Upon reading your most recent post, I think that a bit more light was shed on the situation. I'm glad that the two of you were able to have a talk. But after reading those details, it actually appears...

I can't speak for your husband, specifically, but, as a man myself, there can be a couple of things at play. 1: Testosterone is a bizarre hormone. When it's lacking, men can tend to lack the desire & passion to do the things we enjoy. I've seen it in men before, it just doesn't feel like a...