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  1. Q

    downsides to polyamory

    I think most of them have been listed already, but here is my list: 1. Time and time management. 2. What society thinks of us. 3. Extra drama (each relationship adds extra complexity). 4. Having to contemplate your feelings more and work extra hard at communications (some people may see this as...
  2. Q

    I need advice!!

    Maybe ask him why he likes being with you? It sounds like insecurity is driving many of the feelings you have about this. If you were to know why he really loves you and being with you, then it may not hurt so much. In a sense, this other person can not take anything away from your relationship...
  3. Q

    Should I even be here? Mono needs help please.

    I think other people have covered most of your questions very well. It sounds like you are very worried he will have the "I am poly" talk with you and how you will respond if he does. If so, ask him how he feel and why. See if there are compromises. For example, maybe you could feel ok with an...
  4. Q

    need to understand, advice

    It is a little of having cake and eating it too. But is there something wrong with that? How many people want to have cake but never eat it? :) But there is a deeper answer. Love is not limited. If you love someone new, that does not decrease your love for anyone else. What is limited is the...
  5. Q

    being bold in public

    I went to a comedy club where the comedian started to joke about polyamory. I thought it was pretty funny because it shows polyamory going mainstream. The only joke I really remember was when he said, "'Polyamory' comes from the Greek, 'poly,' to mean 'many' and from the latin, 'amory,' to mean...
  6. Q

    A Polyamory Paradox

    The way I see it is that polyamory is a new perspective on relationships. It focuses less on the idea that your partner is your possession and more on the idea that your partner is with you because they want to be with you. It deals with jealousy in a way that treats it as a sympton of a deeper...
  7. Q

    HELP! STDs

    I remember hearing once that if you picked a random sex worker in Australia vs an average American adult, the sex worker would be less likely to have an STD. (I wish I could find that statistic to verify it.)
  8. Q

    emotional non-monogamy

    Congrats! I guess my main avdise would be to be very honest with your partner. Try to keep it open so one of you can go to the other if you are feeling something new. If you lay the groundwork early, it will help later if things develop further.
  9. Q

    Having a hard time...help

    It sounds like you are on the right path. Research and learn. Polyamory provides a new perspective that is not what we grew up with. The standard model of relationships is based on possession. In polyamory, it is based on desire to be together. I have been the guy in the middle and it was...
  10. Q

    Poly or alone

    That is tough. Do you think he will change his views over time? Is he interested in learning more about polyamory?
  11. Q

    Help Please!

    I agree with what a lot of people have said here. Basically, I think that you have to get your relationship with your wife good before you open it. Opening it tends to cause new stress at first, so you need things to be good. I think you both need to come out and say what you want. Let it be in...
  12. Q

    Religious survey

    I have been on both sides of that question. I started off believing he was a real person. Then later, my grandmother gave me "Case of Christ." The logic was so bad in that book that I started to doubt it. I read a few articles and thought he was pure legend. Then I listened to some college...
  13. Q

    Coming out didn't go well with one person

    If you want to point out the flaws in some of the stuff he said, you could point out that some Catholics would disapprove of remarriage (unless he was a widower). Would he want someone to be as judgemental of his relationship as he is being of yours? Would he accept some family member saying...
  14. Q

    Coming out didn't go well with one person

    This kind of reaction is very common for gay people coming out of the closet. I agree that you should give it some time. Maybe bring it back up in a few months. There are logical and emotional arguments that can be used. But ultimately, I think if you are happy in your relationships then that...
  15. Q

    Is liking someone enough really enough?

    One piece of advise I have heard is not to move in, relocate, change jobs or do any huge life changes until at least 6 months after you have dated someone (maybe a year if you don't see them that often). NRE can lead people to do thing that they will regret. I agree with Mono that it is a good...
  16. Q

    Abuse

    Two women I have been with that were into polyamory also were abused growing up to the point where they developed disassociative identity disorder. I think their abuse led them to think about boundaries and social conventions differently. Also dealing with multiple personalities is a very...
  17. Q

    Abuse

    When I hear things like this, my first thought is "define abuse." Is it a spanking? A cousin being inappropriate? Is it years of molestation? Is it being yelled at over and over while growing up? It seems more of an anecdotal observation than real evidence if it is not fully defined. But I am...
  18. Q

    Polyamory and threesome - wife is interested - what to do?

    I would suggest talking to her to understand her ground rules. Ask her what interests her. Alcohol definitely helps relax people who are trying this, but don't drink too much. Most threesoms are seen in porns. Reality is different, but people tend to mimic porn unless they have tried it before...
  19. Q

    Screening For Drama Kings/Queens

    To me a DQ/DK is someone looks for extra drama or tries to stir stuff up when there is not enough. The ones I have known have liked the extra attention they are getting while dealing with the drama. They have had a whole lifetime of reinforcement to develop this personality trait. I learned to...
  20. Q

    Triangulation??

    When I was in a triad, we had to learn that if person A and B were having an issue, do not bring person C into it. If it were a minor disagreement, person C may be useful to help bridge preception problems or by helping with suggestions. But if it got heated at all, person C should back out and...
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