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In contemplating things, there’s a real hard-on for punishing cheating. It gets a little ridiculous, how aggressive it is. Not that I’m excusing cheating behavior. I’m reading about Restorative Justice practices, and it’s apparent that the paradigm around punishment over repair and restoration...

That's perfectly fine, and maybe you're vanilla as fuck, which is also fine. BDSM is not so scary if you break it down to its component parts. You realize quickly that just about every sexual encounter is asymmetrical, and therefore, can be expressed in terms of top/bottom/dom/sub roles. It can...

This story resonates with me. Things took a different turn when my wife got frustrated with my sexual needs and first suggested opening up, but I shot the idea down due to my mono programming. We’ve been working on things since then and made some fantastic process, but the non-mono switch got...

I think that goes without saying. A person coming here with an open mind asking these questions probably wants answers, or at least informed experienced opinions. A person open to the idea of changing their perspective or of holding space for their dissonance deserves to get what they ask for...

I'm Blain. It's my kink name, but I also use it in ENM settings. I don't like to think I had trauma as a kid, but I was emotionally neglected by my workaholic father, my chronically depressed mother, and I had health issues as a young child. That fostered a variety of kinks and I developed as...

Hey there. Not available to this right now. Sorry to disappoint you by leaving you a reply, but I am wondering what you are looking for. Maybe clarifying might help you get it. Are you looking for a long term triad or throuple relationship or a pair of bi-flexible guys for some regular reliable...

I’m loving this discussion. Not a priority. Not without motivation. Some people are just exhausted by the whole idea. Others feel like their sense of self is assaulted by making any change they don’t feel came from within them (a bit of an illusion to be sure). For some people, it’s faith...

One sympathizes. I'd have trouble, too. I'd be more likely to draw shapes rather than colors. Maybe some have a spiky boundary that keeps people away. Maybe they have a labyrinthine boundary that represents their demisexuality. Maybe another has a brick wall. Maybe another has a timed safe. I...

I'd break each element down and contemplate them alone. Output, input, porosity, rigidity, changes, protection w/connection or connection w/protection... Maybe try to describe some adjectives. Maybe then take that to your meditation cushion and see what each of those feels like. Or maybe take...

I’ll assist:

I talked a bit in my intro, but the TL;DR is... I'm not into poly yet. I still identify as poly-curious, and my wife Jess does not. That's a cup full of dice still being rolled... I've known about poly relationships back to college, but they glanced off my mono-normative shielding, like so many...

I hope you don't mind if I follow. You have a great energy and positivity and I'm looking to make new friends, but just friends for the moment.

That sometimes happens by virtue of attachment style mismatches. Avoidant-dismissive attachers do reach out for companionship and often find anxious-preoccupied attachers that are easy, low drama, and easily malleable to their limited needs. I would know. I was easy, low drama, and easily...

This is just about all you need to know. When you ask someone for consent, if you're only thinking about the possibility of their enthusiastic Yes, you're unlikely to accept a No with the proper state of mind. Ask yourself how you'll take a No BEFORE you ask the damn question... and decide how...

Agreed on the advice to take a year or a reasonable period of time. It's easy to get caught up in the rush of a new world. All very "kid in the candy shop". You really want to make sure you don't have a mountain of work to do on yourself before diving in. I see some common advice to engage an...

I like the thread of uniqueness being spun above. "Special" is inherently a comparison against that which is not special. Either one thing is elevated or another is pulled down. Zero sum game. But it doesn't have to be. Don't play the losing game with yourself. Shift your view toward uniqueness...

Yep. I watched that happen with a close friend of mine. To be fair, there were some serious mismatches and acrimony (and no small amount of trauma from a family tragedy, neurological health, and mental health issues). But what started as a cuckolding relationship, that he was totally into...

Don't make me think too hard about it. I don't have time for.... "THERE'S A COACH COMIN' IN..." ...another fucking earworm...

Since this is being bumped, I'll throw in my two cents. I experience this primarily as a poly-curious person navigating first steps, but I've done a lot of the recommended poly reading. This is absolutely critical, and I might even move this to the top of the list instead of the bottom to...

Thank you, Mr. Official-Greeter. Are you by any chance affiliated with the Long Island Official-Greeters?... No, not everything I've done over the recent months has been smart, admirable, or not rushing. From what I hear about introspection and despite the volumes of poly and ENM advice...