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The first week we had sex, I told him he'd surely want to experience it with someone else at some point, and I'd understand. He thought that was ridiculous and it was never mentioned again, although I have let him know once in a while that I find the thought of him with someone else arousing. In...

At this point, my husband cannot imagine ever wanting a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone he has no desire to be married to. I suspect even with me (the only romantic or sexual partner he has ever had) the desire to marry came first. The idea of him having other relationships is so...

Funny, but the man I've loved for 20 years actually suggested to me a while back that I wasn't being fair to my newer love by drawing him into a relationship where I can't meet all his needs (sexual or otherwise). I think maybe he was just feeling jealous, since that has always been his role...

Van rental... I like that! He joked about buying a van rather than travelling by station wagon. "Fluffer" makes it sounds like we are shooting porn. I don't think he is bothered, but I will ask. I know the third man in my life is thrilled that he adds something to my sex life, however...

Yes, well, my husband never disappoints in bed. And we get there more often now that we've cleared the air and made things smooth between us. I'm sure public restrooms and such are fine if it's quick hot sex you are after, but what I really want is kissing and cuddling, which isn't so great...

Yesterday I spent time with one of my other loves for the first time since my husband and I came to our nice agreement. I explained the rules: we must be discreet, we can't be intimate at my house, but otherwise as long as we aren't having sex or oral sex we have some leeway. Then we discovered...

Funny! Part of our conversation that night was me asking if he thought he had mild Asperger's. He said yes, he thinks he probably does. It's mild though, if it is that. What are we, two days in to feeling good about the marriage? Things are still sweet. We're just being so much kinder to each...

Yay for your mom! My husband was raised being told in no uncertain terms that his parents were sacrificing everything so he could become a successful professional. He aced his way through college and grad school on full scholarships and has a high position in his field, earning way more money...

I'm happy to report that we had a very positive talk last night, bringing us both to points of much better understanding and compassion, and a kind of resolution, while recognizing of course that things could change over time. One thing we made sure to include when we wrote our wedding vows...

I think we just broke up Frying pan to fire. I don't think my husband has loved me much for years. I think he has loved his image of a wife, and he's upset that I don't fit it now. We can't seem to talk about this without bitterness. He has a very negative image of me, and seems to think he is...

I have told him this, yes. He thinks it is a choice. He thinks all people feel transient moments of attraction, say, to a stranger at the bus stop or whatever, and the only difference between me and a "normal" person is that I have followed these impulses and allowed relationships to develop. So...

While that may work for some, I told my husband this morning that I really don't want to set things up so that time I spend with him is a chore and time I spend with others is a reward. I'd rather he just let me know when he wants more time with me. As it is, I am home almost 24/7 and he rarely...

Well, at 2:00 am, we've decided to stop talking for the night. We've gone around and around and around. We seem to keep coming back to the same things: I have a need for more love, and deeper relationships, than I am getting. He feels like he gives me way more than most people get, and I should...

I think I am fast approaching that point where it's worth risking the marriage. First I want to try couples counseling, and hopefully put a little more mutual effort into fixing what is lacking between us. There is another complicating factor, which is that I have been ill for over 6 months now...

The distance issue does more to inhibit the amount of time I get with them than the way we spend it. I drove 2 hours each way to see one of them not long ago, with my husband's blessing, and that was the furthest I've pushed for that relationship. The other one lives 5 hours away, so I am...

It's sorely tempting, but he never really offered up DADT as a proposed solution. It was said more in exasperation, like "Fine, be that way!" and pretty much taken back when he calmed down. He tends to be a bit of a martyr at times, for example, fixing a meal for the kids and only eating the...

Thanks Redpepper. I realize I am responsible for my choices, but I think I can't quite reconcile going after what I want when it means hurting someone I love. He wrote this to me today: "The pattern has always been you make up your mind about what you want, and you will keep pushing till you...

I've often read this wise little piece of advice on this forum, to go at the pace of the one who is struggling the most. What it usually seems to apply to is when someone gets a new partner, and an existing partner is new to polyamory or otherwise unhappy with the situation, so the new...

He's a lucky, lucky man, to have such a loving, open wife. I'm thinking that even if you don't want another relationship for yourself, a situation where he gets a periodic break from toddler-pregnancy-baby is setting you up for resentment down the line. I hope you'll make sure to give yourself...

Does this really feel like a lack of respect to you? My conversations with him have been an attempt to understand whether he really does mind or not, whether I get involved sexually with other men. I'm not trying to tell him what happened after the fact -I'm trying to find out if it's ok...