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I think we have a new agreement to try out. Before we had the 2-day-a-month relationship we had this awkward arrangement where Colin would try to fit in visits here on his way to and from other things. He is overly optimistic in the way he plans his time, so all too often what would start out...

I guess I don't really see any option that isn't going to be sad. Our lives are intertwined, after almost 15 years together. We support each other. We are a family, with our daughters. We have worked hard to remodel, landscape, and create a home that reflects our joint desires. There is so much...

I had to take a few days away from discussing this. I appreciate everyone's comments. I cringe when I read implications that my husband has not been willing to make changes, and I cringe when I read implications that I have pushed him to accept my polyamory against his will. If anyone here were...

I feel like it was more the former. He lied to himself, and to me, about being okay with a two-day-a month agreement. He now says he was at the time afraid if he didn't give in to some kind of relationship, I would get sick again. However, I distinctly remember a tone of relief in his voice when...

Thank you all for your comments. I had forgotten how good it feels to get the support of all of you. Divorce is definitely not being ruled out, but we both are very fond of and attached to the life we have built together, especially the family we have created with our daughters (now 6 and 10)...

My husband said to me today that our "agreement" was something he was forced into, because he believed I would revert to a recurrent illness if he didn't give in. He said that I have not been loyal to him, because I have been in a relationship with another man, despite knowing that he did not...

My story is on this forum in bits and pieces from the past two or three years, but the summary of my situation is that I have a monogamous husband who is tolerating my relationship with a man (Colin) I fell for about a year and a half ago. Through lots of trial and error, we agreed last summer...

We have it! We have an agreement that we are all satisfied with, and I couldn't be happier. For my husband, my relationship with Colin itself has not been as difficult for him to cope with, as has the messy way it has overlapped with his home life with me, causing one misunderstanding after...

What honestly seems to be happening is that we run into "grey areas," where we haven't explicitly laid things out clearly enough, and suddenly I either find myself having done something that my husband thought I "should have known was not okay," or find my husband nixing a plan that I thought...

Well, it turns out he was just really clueless about how I've been feeling, partly due to being so busy he'd been only scanning my last several emails. He also has a habit of over-scheduling himself. He was also hesitating to put time with me on his calendar for fear my husband wouldn't like it...

He was due here 20 minutes ago. No word about why he's delaying even more. If nothing else, it will be entertaining to hear him explain.

And in spite of making my feelings extremely clear, about needing to feel valued and always feeling like I'm put last, he emailed a cheery little note this morning to say he'd gone back to sleep a few times this morning and was coming half an hour later then scheduled. And later, another little...

Talk about not feeling valued... About 4 weeks ago, Colin told me he'd have some free time between last weekend and this, when he'd be in my part of the state, and we decided we'd spend the time together. He later amended that to exclude Friday and Monday, but we were planning on Tuesday...

Not at all! Your experiences are definitely helpful for me to read about. You had me thinking for a while that you were definitely in a bad place (and probably Colin was, too), but now I think you are in a relationship that suits your current needs and will fulfill you enough to keep you going...

I think, within my own heart, I want to spend a good deal of my time with my husband and family, and a good deal of time with Colin. Mostly I've been able to see Colin during the middle of the day on a weekday, when the kids are at school and my husband is at work. I think I've been trying...

I don't intend to deny him what he wants. I've told him I just want a clear decision, to either take things with me as far as they might be able to go, or let me know now if that's never gonna happen so I can try to protect my heart from hoping too hard. The choice is his, and I'm pretty sure...

Colin has never had a family. He has had a few serious girlfriends, a few years at a time, alternating with being on his own for extended periods. (He's not a "play the field" type.) He really craves a chance at a long-lasting partnership or marriage. I don't want to deny him that, but I just...

That sounds horrifying. Colin says he intends to tell any future partner about me before cutting me off from intimacy, on the off chance she'd be ok with him continuing with me, and also out of honesty. I hope he sticks to that. I know he's worried he'll be judged for being involved with a...

Do you ever worry he'll start dating someone who wants him to be mono with her? I'm thinking how much more valued I'd feel if C were able to say, "I wouldn't give you up; I love you too much to do that," but I suppose the fact that he would give me up has less to do with how much he loves me and...

What I'm gleaning from this exchange (and I feel so fortunate to be able to hear your perspectives) is that a secondary relationship has the potential to make either person feel less valued. As the married person, I have been feeling less valued because of C's intention to find a full time...