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It seems like living together would make a significant difference (as it does in any kind of relationship). I don't see that ever happening, since my husband doesn't want anything to do with Colin. I don't know what exactly is available, only what we have at the moment. I think that could grow...

Not at all. This is what Colin seems to feel too, except that he seems intent on finding a full-time partner as soon as he can find someone he likes, in spite of how well this situation seems to fit his needs. I don't think this is his intention. In fact, I asked if the reason he gives me so...

I know this isn't easy for him, but I think he knows I do everything I can to mitigate these things. All the hard work in my marriage to make this relationship even possible. Offering to spend far more time with him than he has ever chosen to accept. Wanting to keep this up for as long as he is...

He keeps maintaining that all we will lose is the physical intimacy. But he finds so little time for me now, I don't expect much at all when he has a new partner. He's amicable with his ex-girlfriends, even says he still loves them, but he doesn't make time to spend with them.

Thanks, everyone. He's camping this week, which gives us both time to think about things before we discuss them again. WhatHappened, I especially appreciate your perspective, being so similar to Colin's experience. I think in the beginning I was able to see things clearly this way: I could...

I've been running up against a wall lately with my boyfriend Colin. He's my first real dating relationship within my marriage, and it's been going on a year or so. He let me know at the beginning that he was really looking for a full time partner, and we were trying to just enjoy what we have...

How you describe the friendship-to-relationship continuum is pretty much exactly how I feel, except that there are a few male friends who I think are great and don't have an attraction to, much like a female friend. I don't know about the public part. I am most definitely in a relationship with...

My husband and I were just discussing this last night. He has said that he adamantly does not want to benefit from my boyfriend, in the sense that if C is visiting, he can't help me with projects or gardening or whatever around our house. My husband is also unwilling to befriend C. He also hates...

It's not so much that I need to define it, as it is that I'm wondering if I'm the only one who finds these things difficult to define. I think as far as my husband is concerned, we can just go with his boundaries, which have to do with physical intimacy, but I sometimes wonder if it is...

Lately I've been grappling a lot with what it means to be in a relationship with someone. In a way, we relate to everyone we know, so we are in all sorts of relationships of varying types -friendships, sibling relationships, business relationships, etc. When it comes to the "I'm in a...

I'm also seeing a distinction between trying out poly by engaging in more than one relationship, and trying out poly by being in a relationship with only one person, who is poly. So if you have someone who has always been in monogamous relationships, they might be single and wondering whether to...

Okay, things are back to stable. What I had felt was a change of rules around Colin's interactions with my kids, turned out to be more of a misunderstanding. My husband had never meant for Colin to spend "purposeful" time around my kids. We discussed all this at length and arrived at a...

Yesterday Colin came through town, for our first experience in this new arrangement where he can be part of our family's activities, but we can't be intimate anymore. He only had a couple of hours, so I suggested a trip to a nearby wildlife refuge, and my kids and husband all decided to come...

Thanks, idealist. It's good to know that there are Indian men open to alternative lifestyles. However, I don't think swinging or casual sex are for me, and definitely not for him. He knows I might be willing to try something with another woman, but we'd have to know and love her first. He's not...

It's not about that. It always comes back to the physical intimacy, so I have to conclude that it's about that. So we quit, again.

We have rewound the clock to January. My husband doesn't want the kids spending time with Colin so long as we are intimate. Only "incidental contact," never quality time. This feel so horribly unhealthy to me, I am calling off the intimacy. Again. In order to allow this man I love to be able to...

Today I feel like I am being asked to tear myself in two. Summer vacation starts today, which means I'll have my kids with me pretty constantly. Colin is passing through town Friday and we thought it would be fun to check out a houseboat, since he's still thinking he might like to buy one near...

Your kids' dramatic reactions make me think they have a lot of fear around this. I would want to give them an opportunity (in counselling or privately) to voice exactly what those fears are. Really hear them out, and then address their fears one by one. You don't plan to divorce. You don't plan...

Where's the "like" button?

You hit the nail on the head, I think. I don't think it's "fair" for people to realize their polyamorous leanings several years into marriage (as I did) and I don't think it's "fair" for poly people to have to try to squish into a mono box, and I don't think it's "fair" for mono spouses to have...