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Hi Onoma, I actually like your question. I'd love to read a string of one-paragraph summaries of people's paths in their relationship lives. I'll give you mine. I stumbled across this board a couple of years ago when I was baffled by my strong romantic attraction to my friend L, in spite of...

Sounds to me like you have unmet needs, and either your husband isn't interested in meeting them (maybe because he isn't feeling the love from you either?) or he doesn't know how. I've just gone through a few months of something similar, and what changed everything for us was reading "The Five...

I'm happy to post a success story at last! My mono husband has finally grown comfortable with my relationships with L (emotional) and C (emotional and sexual within defined boundaries) and I feel oh so happy and in love with all three! The transition nearly split my marriage apart, but finally...

I've just read through this story and it makes me cringe. Red, please stop blaming yourself! I'm guessing your pain has less to do with his polyamory and more to do with his neglect. It's not that he has feelings for his girlfriend, but that he is not demonstrating any love or commitment to you...

I don't know if my situation is at all similar, but I have a mono husband who has gradually become more comfortable with my polyamory. He explicitly asked that we don't have discussions with my other loves about our relationships. He only wants casual interactions in group social situations...

Yes, all that good stuff. For me, that is plenty satisfying. For Colin, it was enjoyable, but he never did get to an orgasm, which was a little frustrating, but he seemed not to mind. I just have to learn some new tricks, I guess!

Just wanted to share this happy update to my saga. I took Anneintherain's excellent advice and got the 5 Love Languages book, which my husband and I both read. We had some huge "aha" moments. We also had one good counselling session. Now we understand each other much, much better, and are both...

I have just placed a library hold on it. Thanks! I came across Sternberg's "triangular theory of love" today and was planning to discuss that with my husband tonight. Those three parts are intimacy (emotional), passion, and commitment. Commitment is all I feel from him sometimes, although we...

I should clarify. These hurtful comments are not the norm. They have just come up once or twice over the years. The majority of our conversations are respectful and definitely nonviolent, and if anyone is screaming nasty hurtful things, it's always me. (Hanging my head in shame.) I'm coming to...

I feel your struggle. Someone described it well in another thread. You have 4 choices: Your partner's way (monogamy), your way (loving both), breaking up, or working out a compromise. If you can choose your partner's way, that's simplest. Can you, though? I've been trying the compromise route...

I'm back. It's a little harder to write my thoughts freely here now that I know my husband may read them, but I still need help and I feel like I get it here. We have had a hard time patching things up since New Year's Eve. We've discussed things over and over, and gone from angry and hurt to...

I agree! We integrate our separate backgrounds (India/US, male/female, and all our other differences) every day. It's a combination of acknowledging the environments that formed us, and striving to find common ground.

Are you talking about me? I don't want to screw other people. I'm just having a hard time holding back the love I feel for my friend of 20 years and someone I met last year. And my husband has been aware of my struggle since at least mid-2010, so it's not something I've dropped on him suddenly...

Breakthrough! My husband stayed up all night reading everything I posted here (hi honey), and then asked his boss for today off to work on his marriage. We are talking. Neither of us intends to give up on this marriage. What I write on here focuses on this part of our lives where we are...

We talked a lot tonight (his suggestion) and I thought we were really making some headway. He seems to expect that I will need to get back to having physically intimate relationships, even though I've offered to put that on hold, so he wanted to be clear about those boundaries... mostly that he...

Right? But what's the other option? How does a do-tell policy play out? I think what went wrong was that first we made a compromise that he was far from comfortable with (and maybe he didn't realize that at first), and then he didn't trust me to stick to it. So first he imagined all the things...

Thank you. I have definitely seen that you and Mono aren't at all pushy, unless it's just to push people to be honest, and I appreciate that. I don't think my husband wants to talk to anyone else at this point, because he wants the whole thing to go away, but he was also opposed to my choosing a...

I'm not really resenting him. I mean, he tried. It just didn't work. The man's from India, after all, and I'm a far cry from the women he encountered growing up. It feels like we're fumbling our way down a dark tunnel. We think we're sticking to the middle, and suddenly we hit a wall, and...

Thanks, Mono and Redpepper. I'm hoping he'll come around to the point where he is willing to hear other perspectives. At this point I think he fears I'm trying to convert him to my way of thinking, if I ask him to read or hear an opinion from anyone who doesn't find polyamory totally...

I wish I could get him to talk to someone, but yeah, he's resistant. And right now, he doesn't even want to talk to me. Things are really tense. Colin was in town today. I figured it was best not to even let my husband know, but then he decided last minute to work from home today, so I had to...