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Thank you, Sage. I looked at your blog once in the past and will do that again. Right now he is unwilling to accept any positives. He says, "There's no benefit for me," but closes himself off to any potential benefit-- everything from saying we should not have sex if I'm aroused as a result of...

I think he has resigned himself to it. He tolerates it. He certainly doesn't like it, but he recognized that I was struggling in trying to ignore it. 8 months of being mostly bedridden from a swollen sac around my heart... it finally healed around the time we came to an agreement on the...

I don't know that you misinterpreted anything, really, unless you think my husband gave me enough cues that I should have been able to figure out what was going on and what he wanted from me. He really didn't. In the first half of the night, I danced with him multiple times on two different...

I'm perfectly fine with emotions being illogical or erratic. We can't always predict how we are going to feel or why. (Case in point: my discomfort with adding sexual touch to my relationship with Luke-- once I finally had the freedom to try it, I was completely caught off guard by my feelings.)...

All I ask from my husband is that we communicate openly. Two weeks before, we had a dinner party that included Colin. I offered to cancel. I offered to move it out of our house to a restaurant. But my husband said he was totally fine with it, and it seemed he was. Given that, how was I to guess...

So true. How is he going to be more grounded in his trust, though? This is the crux of it. I mean, his assuming that the hug he witnessed from a distance included a kiss, was an assumption that I was directly violating one of his most explicit requests, that Colin and I not kiss in front of...

Thanks. I've actually been repeating to him again and again, "I didn't do anything wrong." The only bit he'll agree with is that Colin didn't do anything wrong. The lesson I think I've learned here, is that we need to be more explicit in our expectations of each other, and that he is really...

Wow, you're good! As he approached me for the second-to-last dance, trying to get my attention, not catching my eye and watching me walk up to Colin and ask him to dance, someone said, "Looks like your wife stood you up!" I'm sure the comment was meant in jest, since it's a very friendly...

The weird thing is, my husband is usually not a jealous person at all. Most weeks I go out dancing 2 or 3 nights without him, and he babysits the kids. He didn't mind my going to a weekend dance camp with Colin in September, and he mostly didn't mind my spending a recent Saturday with Luke. He...

No. He concedes that he jumped to some wrong conclusions, but thinks he was using sound logic to reach them. And he still thinks I was very much in the wrong for not looking for him for that dance. Bottom line, I guess he doesn't feel like I want to be with him as much as he wants to be with me...

We hashed this all out for several hours yesterday. Why does love have to complicate things so much? It seems like he was living in another world that night at the dance, interpreting all sorts of things in the worst possible light, so that missing that second-to-last dance with me seemed like...

I don't really think I was at fault, NovemberRain, but my husband sure wants me to think so. Apparently he thinks I should have wanted to dance the last 15 minutes before midnight with him, and the fact that I hadn't looked around to see if he was in the room yet before I asked Colin to dance...

Ouch, tonight didn't go well at all! We were at a dance hall with three floors of dancing, and my husband decided to spend some of his time on a different floor from me, where he could do more mellow dancing. I asked him to join me on the main floor before midnight. At 11:45 they announced it...

Oh wow, they're ALL coming to the same New Year's Eve dance tomorrow! I'm not sure if I should be excited or worried. I was planning it as a date with my husband, but Luke's daughter plays in one of the bands, so she talked him into coming. And Colin heard about it from mutual dance friends and...

I just have this concern in the back of my mind that if she has a hard time understanding why you are comfortable with her husband loving two women, it may be that she herself is uncomfortable with it. Could she be holding out hope that if he really loves her, he'll someday "choose" her, and...

I don't know if it's really as complex as all this. There always has been, and likely always will be, a strong sexual attraction aspect to my relationship with Luke. I am really glad I had the chance to explore that, after 20 years of wondering how it would feel. Now I know that, yes, he knows...

My husband and I share a lot with each other, but I really can't confide in him my feelings, big or small, about other men. I tell him just enough so that I don't feel like I'm hiding something from him, but, "Wow, that guy over there is hot!" is more the comment I would make to a female friend...

What my husband asked for was no penetrative or oral sex outside marriage, so Luke and I had a sort of play day, where we did get very sexual within those boundaries. I'm sure we could work through feelings to make it more comfortable to keep having that, but it doesn't feel worth it to me. It...

Aw, but it doesn't feel sad to me! What felt sad was lying there naked with Luke that one day, basking in afterglow, and then listening to him talk about his ex-girlfriend. I had to make him change the subject. I've never asked him to change the subject before, in 20 years of friendship. The...

Oh, it was pretty much no big deal, so I didn't think it merited writing about. I offered to go alone or find another friend to go with, but my husband decided he wanted to go so he could play music. He had a good time, and it was a big crowd so there was no opportunity for drama. I danced just...