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Forbidden fruit... time to adjust... more fulfillment at home... guilt... Wow, it's wonderful having so many perspectives to help me figure this out! I think there is some truth to all of these thoughts. Having had a few days to digest my encounter with Luke, I'm coming to the conclusion that...

Ouch, I feel for you! It sounds like you two have a lot on your plates, and maybe he is even a little depressed? If he seems to be in a place where "yes" is the only answer he wants from you, try this one: "Yes, I agree you need some romance and dating and sex in your life, but with our toddler...

Now that I think about it, I'm getting kind of confused. Here I have my three beloved men. My husband is great. Everything's good between us now. (He bought me flowers today, for no particular reason...) With his permission, I tried getting more physically intimate with Colin, but was left...

Mostly I don't think I'd feel safe driving for 2 hours after being up late dancing. In previous years we've always spent the night. I thought about seeing if another friend would go along and do the return driving, but I think if anyone (like Luke's son) is thinking anything inappropriate is...

Whoa, I had a nightmare about "unexpected" sex recently. Found myself suddenly in the midst of it with L, with absolutely no awareness of how it got to that point. Not fun -I was freaking out in my dream! I'm so thankful we actually can control our actions. Whew!

I think this is a really good point! My feelings are not something I can really control, but what I do with them is entirely voluntary. Asking someone who is polyamorous (or anyone who is in love) to stop having feelings for someone causes the reaction, "I can't!" More appropriate is to ask what...

Thank you, AnnabelMore. In the most appropriate and harmless way possible, I love you for that.

Luke said he would not expect his son to say anything about it. I'd like to believe him, but only time will tell. This is where it is fortunate that we live in separate cities, where our friendship circles don't intersect much. I could say the boy's mother is a master at discretion. Luke had no...

I think that's exactly right. Colin has never wanted to be my husband. I think Luke has been jealous of Colin, and C has been jealous of L, because they are both in the same position, on the edges of my life. Luckily, I don't think the jealousy runs strong in either case. They both seem mighty...

These are good points, Sourgirl, and they go back to my original question. In my marriage, my husband feels strongly monogamous and I feel strongly polyamorous. When I first realized what was going on with my own feelings, I tried to stop them. In my case, though, I was falling in love with a...

Thank you! I try to be respectful in what I write here, even if I have my tantrums and selfish outbursts at home. Yesterday I had my first visit with Luke since my marriage boundaries were redefined. Funny, but the night before, it was Colin writing to ask how long I'd be gone and confessing to...

This was so extremely key in getting to our point of resolution! We had both been feeling short-changed by each other, until we finally realized that we were trying to meet each other's needs by giving each other what we wanted for ourselves. The old "Golden Rule" just didn't work, because no...

Obviously this is true, but I'm trying to get my mind around this. In terms of polyamory as a relationship structure, it implies consent, but when it comes to polyamory as a personality trait (for lack of a better term) it just happens regardless, from my experience. I love other men whether my...

"Touch buddies," that's cute. They are that, but with a big emotional layer. I actually told Colin a while back that he feels like a high school boyfriend to me-- it's all romance and hand holding and trying to kiss when no one's looking, without the heaviness of going anywhere serious or...

If she says it's fine for the two of you to be friends, then can you do so just through emails and phone calls for a while? That way she can't get into the middle of your time with him, and she won't have to worry about things getting physical. You can still be close friends by sharing your...

You know, it has been awkward having to teach my husband everything he should know about sex... but on the other hand, now he's sort of "custom made" to my specifications. He knows exactly what I like. ;) A couple of things have happened for me in the time since my husband and I came to our...

Hopefully you do want to hear from people who haven't had group sex, as I suspect that's the majority here. 1. Female 2. No 3. n/a 4. n/a 5. 0 6. I've had both fantasies, but don't know that I'd let either one happen. 7. Straight 8. Married plus in loving relationships with 2 men I don't have...

My mono husband is not so keen on poly, but after a year and a half we've negotiated ways for me to have relationships with two men. No penetrative or oral sex, no intimacy in front of others (even holding hands), no intimacy in my house, and no spending nights together. Also my husband doesn't...

Hi ChloeJane, I've been reading this thread with interest, and knowing that you came here for help around your husband's disrespect issue, it must be hard having everyone challenge your boundaries. These are caring people, but sometimes it can feel harsh. I think you hit the nail on the head...

Hi Savage, Your story is much like mine, and I think you are on the right track, by telling your wife how you feel and then giving her time to digest while you remain focused on her and on your growing family for a while. I told my husband about a year and a half ago about my feelings for a...