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No way would I stand for this. My guess is she wants some economic benefit that she won't get from her boyfriend. Talk about wanting your cake and eating it too. She's leaving you for her lover.

You already have feelings for this guy so you have already cheated (based on your rules). It sounds like this guy is already emotionally cheating and I bet if his wife knew about you, she would freak out. Trust me, get rid of rule number 3. Don't ask don't tell is immature and shows you have...

you have to admit, its charming that all he has to do is copy and paste the same response for EVERY problem.

Agreed. Let go of these expectations or they will breed resentment. I've been in her shoes and can tell you its no fun. The expectation you are placing on her right now makes these scheduled times to talk feel more like a burden and a job rather than a chance to connect.

Maybe you're just afraid of commitment and the traditional path that it lays out for you (relationship escalator). You really should consider how you feel about having multiple lovers or having a lover who also has other lovers.

When greedy is being projected onto another person it is definitely a judgment. However when I want more pizza than anyone else or wish I got more of anything rather than being happy with what I have I sometimes feel self conscious and hence recognize my OWN greedy feelings.

I disagree with that. He said they are platonic. He did share some of his past with her but I don't consider that cheating.

Yes they do, but few monogamous partners are able to stomach their lover sharing things about themselves to members of the opposite sex (assuming hetero) that they won't share with their long time partner. Unfortunately she sees this as emotional cheating. Judging by the turbulent nature of...

One thing you can do to heal the pain and animosity towards this other woman is to let go of the notion that she betrayed you and lied to you. She had no relationship with you and as a result there were no expectations or feelings of loyalty between the two of you. The minute you become a real...

Be careful. To most men, a wife claiming she is poly is no different than a wife proclaiming she wants a divorce. Seeing other people=end of marriage in most peoples eyes.

You said that you are so paranoid about the two of them going behind your back and developing a relationship. I hope you are at least okay with the two of them developing a relationship that has nothing to do with you. If either of you require yourselves to be wedged in between the other two...

ditto. If you and your husband continue to force this triad you WILL fail. Each of you need to develop your own relationship organically without the outside partner pushing buttons and pulling levers and generally trying to control things that are frankly none of their business.

Len, I'm glad your triad worked so well and lasted so long. You're a lucky man to have found a wife who is willing to put up with your insecure double standard "alpha male" bs. For your next comment let's see if you can give insight and advice without tooting your horn about your alpha male...

So I see the words "poly" and "mono" thrown around a lot and there doesn't seem to be a consistent definition for either. For example I have seen people described as being strongly monogamous in the following cases 1. someone that only has the desire to be romantically involved with one...

Its not clear that she had any expectations of being told if he did have a hook up at the festival. In many situations where a hall pass is given its usually under the don't ask don't tell policy. Now I agree that him continuing the affair made this much more of a hurtful situation for...

Self harm means there IS something wrong with them. It is part and parcel with mental illness. It doesn't mean the person can't or shouldn't be loved but to portray it as no big deal and OK since 20% of people have done it is a bit silly.

He is especially sensitive right now. However he needs to get over himself and understand that he doesn't act as the gatekeeper to talking to another human being.

Under no circumstances should you try to become poly in your marriage while your marriage is teetering on the edge. many of us here have experienced being cheated upon and sympathize with how much it sucks. There are a few people on this forum who managed to sustain their marriage and transition...

You have a one vagina policy?

I understand what that commitment means having been married for 19 years myself. But I also understand that they have chosen to step outside the bounds of monogamy and saw fit to have sex with other women. And now he has a wife and a friend who are head over heels in love with each other and...