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It feels rather good, actually, like a huge burden has been lifted off of me, and I can now focus on growing and learning to accept that her having another relationship doesn't take anything away from me, except some time with her. Quite the opposite, it feeds our relationship quite a lot of...

I think the fact that I was calm and accepting of it helped the most. We were both prepared for a multitude of ways I could react to this. No, she was not needing anything when she came home. They had a good first night, with lots of sex. But after we talked a bit, she went to have a bath to...

Huge success. Happy poly coming home from a very good first night with boyfriend, with even more to give and needs to have filled = even happier me.

Brief update, mostly for my own sake, so I remember what I feel. I just got a lovely good-night SMS from Vanilla, and it made me happy. I feel very lonely right now, but so far, I'm managing to separate the loneliness from the real issue, that she is spending her first night with Jake. I...

Thank for your kind words! *hugs* Best of luck in your relationships. It sounds like you've got something really good. I definitely see your need for boundaries and rules when there are children involved. I understand you guys have been doing this for a while now. For us, it's only been 3...

Wellll, don't give me a prize just yet. I am not in any kind of happy place yet. It's such a massive change in my life, in our lives, that it'll take me quite some time to accept them all, if I even can. And besides, until the NRE has calmed down, it's hard to trust things Jake tells me. I think...

Uhm, just to clarify, when you say "we still don't show any affection," that's around your primary partner, right? You still have a full relationship with your OSO when alone? I.e., the boundaries are for public display and with your primaries, not in your actual relationship?

I greatly support and agree with that. It really helps, at least now in the beginning. Yes, I have insecurities, and I'm not ashamed to acknowledge them and take what assurance I can get, and slowly deal with them.

That's a very good point, and the only thing I can add is my own experience. My partner started a relationship with a close friend of us just a few weeks ago. They haven't had sex yet, but they have been intimate, and that neanderthalic ghost is swinging his club at me. The one thing that...

The respect and love for others should in my opinion always be held rigidly and absolute. - I have had sex with A, I am sorry - I am sorry, but I have to tell you that I would really like to have sex with A One is a permanent lie, the other is a potential hurt and a chance for honesty. If your...

Thanks for your input, Overthinker! I realise that it must be very hard for them not to kiss or cling like they want to, when around me, but that's just the way it has to be for a while. I have to be able to look at myself in a mirror and say that it's acceptable for my partner to have a...

Thanks, Jasmine. I have no idea why no one uses discombobulated anymore. It's a VERY good word for what I feel. :) Vanilla is very good at reassuring me, and this has already brought us closer, only a month in from the start. I definitely have a whole new level of appreciation for her, and she...

An excellent point, my good sir. Allow me to rephrase: I won't say anything I'm not certain about how I THINK I will react. :-)

Magdlyn: the answer to all of your questions are no. I have pushed for group settings (non-sexual, just dinner, movie, etc.) for many reasons, mostly wrong, some too soon. I made Vanilla and Jake look like bastards in this thread, and it couldn't be further from the truth. I am the one who's...

NYCindie: just a social hanging-out setting, like dinner, watching a movie, etc. Group sex is like waaaaaay into the future, if ever... Redpepper: What I am ashamed of is my inability to think things through before acting, which ends up just hurting the people I love most. I was considering...

Rereading this thread fills me with sadness for my own shortcomings. It is SO coloured by feelings, rather than facts. Not good. I am actually feeling ashamed. This is sadly reflecting how I often communicate, poorly and inadequately, saying what I think will resolve the situation, rather than...

Sorry... Okay, I see this wasn't a good day for my question. I have had a cold sore for more than a week, keeping me from kissing Vanilla, and things are bundling up a bit. I am sorry for making the impression that Vanilla is the one to blame for how I feel. Vanilla, I'm sorry. I am the one...

Yup, I realise that. I think the weekly meetup mentioned earlier is a brilliant idea. Perfect way to have scheduled group time with predictable behaviour, non ad-hoc, and deal with impulse meetups separately. I am certainly a child when it comes to communication in groups. I see that. I think I...

Hah, yes, I see that contradiction. Thing is, we've had, err... 3 group settings, and every time has been different. Vanilla is desperately trying to adjust to my flailing, and I know that's a tall order. That is why we are doing it on Wednesday, with the main agenda being "order of conduct,"...

Okay, I have been obviously very bad at describing the setup for the situation. Vanilla has done, and will do, exactly as I say when it comes to boundaries. I have not said explicitly that I don't want them to kiss and cling when I'm out of the room. Quite the contrary. I said that I wanted...