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I think part of what I worry about is that I do feel that a lot of her behavior is ridiculously nit-picky and over-the-top. One of the reasons that I am actively spending less time around her is because I want her nit-picky over-the-top-ness to rub off on me as little as possible. When I get...

nycindie - it's a V, not a triad. I can't see myself ever being in a triad with Lora. It's hard enough to just be her friend when Jon is around. Our rapport isn't great, and it feels uncomfortable to bring it up with her, because (to rosephase's point), I feel pretty certain that she's not...

Even buttons can be divisive things. Did you know that? I didn't know that. Last night, Jon, Lora, and I all went out to a bar together. It was a bit of a distance from where we live. We met there after work, and took the bus home, so that we could all drink & not worry about driving. While on...

I definitely agree with the above three posts, and much of Kevin's post. There's a world of difference between the things that were done to me, and the things that I consent to as an adult. From a Domme point of view, when I'm being a Domme, what I'm thinking about is giving my partner what...

From what you've just written, there is one thing that jumps out to me that I think it really important. You've probably not going to be able to show him all the love he needs. You can definitely give him reassurances, and talk him through things, but unless he's truly ready to get on this...

I think you've gotten a lot of great suggestions from people, specifically about what might need to happen, and about how the two of you might have needs that are so wildly different that it's going to be very hard to find a middle ground, though going to therapy hoping to find one is a great...

I think they are. You might not like what they're saying, but I think they are. Your heart is telling you that this isn't right for you. And by "this", I don't mean polyamory necessarily, but this "polyamory" that is being pitched to you in this disrespectful, shitty, insensitive manner. You...

So what you've basically just said is that in actions, he doesn't prioritize your relationship. Because saying "Can't we celebrate on Tuesday?" is...that is beyond shitty. I'm so sorry, because you absolutely don't deserve to be treated like that. And when you're trying to decide what to do and...

It sounds like he has decided what he wants, and he's just trying out various combinations of words in hopes that one of those combos will get you to go along with what he's already decided is happening. It also sounds like you're being very clear about what you want. Have you said something to...

I've learned in life that anytime you start a relationship with someone that you have to "prove" things to, you are nearly always going to have an uneven power structure where they will continuously demand that you need to prove everything to them, while they can behave badly, disrespect you, do...

A few updates First was this: https://learningmanyloves.wordpress.com/2015/06/11/just-say-no-to-drugs/ this this: https://learningmanyloves.wordpress.com/2015/06/12/its-like-taking-a-giant-emotion-poop/ I wrote the last one on Friday. Three days later, and I still feel a million times more...

I've been quiet lately mostly because it's more of the same (Lora being controlling and ridiculous) coupled with some injections for my on-going health problem that made me pretty sick. I had a startling realization today that also feels like a "d'oh!" moment. I made two big mistakes going into...

IME, if "testing it" for a few weeks means her moving in, there will be absolutely NO good, clean, non-hurtful way to move her out. I'm glad you're dragging your feet, though I don't know if anybody will actually see reason, especially if he HAS fallen for her and they're both having a lot of...

When people tell Jon that he must be so lucky to have two hot girlfriends (and are no doubt imaging all kinds of threesomes, which we never have together), he mentions this idea to them: Would you rather live with two women who have PMS at the same time every month, or two women who have PMS on...

I agree with the PPs who have said that maybe your wife is taking baby steps, and maybe taking a "wait and see" approach might work - at least for a few months. I can see how getting a divorce would be scary to your wife. I can also see how, for you, staying indefinitely married just doesn't...

Part of why I love a thread like this is that it gives me something to think about (and maybe go back to) in case it comes up in any of my polyships. If someone was having trouble articulating something about marks, I would definitely come back here and take notes to ask if any of the thoughts...

Things were quiet this weekend. Lora and I didn't talk much, but when we did, and she tried to go off on a rage tangent about something we were talking about (without letting me finish talking), I held up my hand and said "Wait, I am not doing. Let me finish", which she clearly didn't like...

I was just talking to Jon, and something we were joking about reminded me of this thread. And that is "V Card" When I heard people were calling their virginity their "V Card" I had this urge to run screaming. Or smack the first person who uttered that phrase. It simultaneously exasperates me...

It's a really good thing to be nitpicky on! That's part of what I meant by Lora's twisted thinking creeping into my thinking - I'm very much a person who takes responsibility for her part, and I did have a battle in therapy to learn what was my part and what is not my part and not take too much...

That is totally true, I can't actually MAKE her understand that anymore than I can MAKE her understand that moving out doesn't necessarily mean everything is over and totally fucked up. But I can keep expressing the things that are deal-breakers. If it comes to the point of me saying "Sorry...