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I think the issue of negative racial/ethnic stereotypes plays a big role in why many non-white people who have poly or open relationships choose to not be "out" about that, whether they privately label themselves that way or not. Specifically, there's a stereotype that black and Hispanic people...

I run a blog called SoloPoly.net, which is by and for people who identify as poly or open who don't have (and perhaps don't want or aren't seeking) a primary partner of their own. http://SoloPoly.net I'm putting together a post that would be list of tips intended for people in poly/open...

Cleo, I'm glad your negotiations went well, congrats. I understand that your preferred negotiation style is not to include your additional partners directly in negotiations about your network of relationships; that you and your spouse choose to "represent" your respective additional partners...

Hi, Cleo Just curious -- is this meeting only between you and your husband? Or will your other partners also be involved? It sounds like your additional relationships are pretty well established; they're not brand-new or casual. If you and your husband are basically negotiating aspects of your...

First off, I understand, and respect, you and your spouse's decision to remain closeted. As I've said, everyone should be free to choose how out (or not) they wish to be. But I'm curious about how this works for your additional partners. Specifically, what kinds of secrecy, closeting, or other...

Thanks all -- and especially to Meera -- for chiming in on this thread! Meera, I've also encountered that passively disrespectful brand of disbelief and selective interest from friends & family concerning my relationship preferences and experience. Got the same thing in my 20s & 30s concerning...

In my experience, things have a better chance of working out when you embark upon relationships with people *as they actually are* rather than *as you'd wish them to be* In this case, she'd wish your partner was single, with no other partners (and implicitly, available for a monogamous...

Yep, Smiler. I thought about that very issue hard before naming my blog SoloPoly.net. The trouble is, all the terms our language has to describe people who are unpartnered have vague-to-outright negative connotations or are just awkward. So I decided, at least for my own purposes, to reclaim...

Thanks. I should have clarified: do you have a primary (spouse-type or life partner) relationship of your own?

I blogged about this thread Many thanks to everyone who's contributed to this excellent discussion so far. I appreciate the diversity of view on, and approaches to, outness in poly relationships. I just published on SoloPoly.net a followup to my original post on the outness theme: Why it can...

Oh, and @redpepper: Love "be your own primary." As a solo poly person, that's once of my fundamental tenets. I think it's sound advice for anyone, whether they're poly or not, and whether they have/want a primary partner or not. :-)

Thanks, Redpepper. Much appreciated What about if I want to link to an entire discussion thread, rather than specific posts? Often that's useful to encourage people to read a range of perspectives. Could I just go ahead and link to that? Would it matter whether I started that thread? Or would...

Hi @smiler Given what you excerpted from my post, do you consider yourself single/solo? Just wondering.

Hi. I blog about poly/open relationships at SoloPoly.net, and this forum offers a wealth of insight and perspectives. It's also not a hidden forum, which means forum posts show up I. Google searches and can be easily linked to from anywhere. If I'd like to mention a forum thread or a specific...

Thanks, Cindie From my own experience, and that of many poly people (solo & not) whom I've asked about "outness" lately, it seems that usually this topic doesn't get discussed clearly and specifically early in a relationship. Discrepancies tend to emerge only after the relationship is well...

correcting a typo: I meant to write: "Months or years down the line, the non-primary partner starts stumbling over previously undisclosed...

Thanks, AutumnalTone To clarify my remark that it can be difficult to tell how out someone is about being poly/open -- I wasn't really talking about walking past a stranger on the street and being able to tell whether they're poly. Rather, I am talking about being able to discern how out...

Thanks for the responses -- and what do solo poly people think? Thanks for the many thoughtful responses to this thread. I've notice that the vast majority of these responses came from people who are part of a primary-style couple. I'd also love to hear views from solo poly/open people -- that...

Hi @boring guy To clarify, I borrowed "really" from the title of my blog post. In that post, one of the first points I make is that sometimes it can be really confusing to figure out how out someone is -- especially if they aren't thinking or communicating about outness very clearly or honestly.

Thanks @musicalrose Yes, considerations of jobs, housing, extended family, custody, etc. can certainly complicate decisions about poly outness. I certainly don't begrudge anyone their choice, as long as they're clear and up front with their partners about it. That said, as I mentioned in my...