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Yes... But... Hmmm. I get what you're saying. It is how I see things with potential fwbs. I am who I am, I offer what I offer, I feel how I feel, I'll try to be kind and considerate, but in the end, it's on them to figure out if spending time with me is something they want. With Andy...

I am either completely misunderstanding this, or I simply flat out disagree. I mean, I agree that each of us is ultimately responsible for our own happpiness. But I very much believe that we can do things that make the people in our lives unhappy. Andy absolutely has the power to make me happy...

I had typed out a ridiculously long reply to KC's post and my stupid tablet are it grrr. But the main point... Maybe it's my anxiety, or my unease with poly, but I always flash to the worst case scenario ... What if one (or both) of my partners is miserable and can't handle the existing poly...

I'm getting tired of writing about all the ways poly made my life miserable... But I have one or two more things to say, and I just want to knock them out and end this exercise with the train wreck that was 2016 :cool: Yet Another Thing I Have Been Afraid To Say (i forget what number I'm on)...

I actually don't feel like the diversion of sexual energy hurt us - it was helpful, honestly. It was having to divide other kinds of energy - nurturing, social, intellectual, on and on. And time. And focus. A lot of things I would have done with Andy - a movie, a conversation about work, a...

Confession is good for the soul... I can't even explain how much RELIEF I feel having poured all this out into words. All the shame, all the secrets, all the toxic thoughts I have been burying. I feel peace. I faced the worst of it, and I'm still here.

Uncomfortable truth #3 My relationship with Dag took something away from my relationship with Andy. I tried not to face it, I tried not to see it, and I tried so hard to find some way to look at it where it was a good thing, not a bad one. But, yeah, I did not feel as close or as invested in...

As one of those bloggers who is constantly worrying that I'm not perfect at poly :o ... For me, it's that poly/nonmonogamy is the only area of my life where I experience a conflict between what I want and what seems objectively fair, moral, and ethical. So when I beat myself up for not being...

Uncomfortable truth #2 My experiences with polyamory have changed how I feel about other women, and not in a good way. I used to be one of those women who had super close female friendships, loved my girlfriends like sisters, enjoyed living with other women, enjoyed female bonding in general...

Andy and I do this too, with the spending money... But I still occasionally stress about the finances of poly. Not the kinda sorta poly we have now, but real poly, the kind of poly where other relationships can grow into entangled partnerships. What if Andy wanted to buy a home with another...

Yeah, same. I kind of like kitchen table poly in theory... But in theory, the metas are people I really like and would want to be around even if they weren't dating my partner. In reality, I don't like most people :cool: and having to pretend to enjoy people I don't feels like a dumb waste of...

Truth I have been afraid to admit #1 For me, piv intercourse is sex, and everything else... Touching, oral, toys... Is not "real" sex. I hate admitting this because it's so heteronormative and our of vogue. But it's how it FEELS to me. I can call the other stuff play, or even sexy play, but...

This resonated with me in a very unexpected way. It's from a discussion of how/whether to tell a mono partner you are poly, something far from my own experience. But it has truth in so many situations. I have been fencing off more and more of my yard, of myself, of my truth. There are so many...

I wanted to post a happy Christmas-y update, because I did have a great Christmas with Andy and our friends and family. But I am feeling all down and poor me tonight :( I miss monogamy. I am grieving it hard right now. Oddly it's not having my primary partner all to myself that I miss. No, I'm...

Thanks everyone for the support (and reality checks). I'm feeling better today, I think in large part because I FINALLY have the rest of Christmas vacation scheduling done. Anxiety is just ugh this time of year, trying to get it all in. As for Clark, and dating in general, I think the take...

I understand feeling betrayed and used here. Simply because his wording makes it sound like he only values his relationship with you for the way it benefits his other relationship. Like you're only there to bolster and shore up the primary relationship. (In which case, what happens if it stops...

Sometimes I need a good shoulder shake :o I just wish I could go back to the blissful ignorance I enjoyed for my first few years of non monogamy. I probably hurt a lot of people, not on purpose but simply by failing to realize that they took our relationships seriously. But... I was happy, back...

I gotta say, this blog is like free therapy some days :D Compersion, pretty much. I can do ok with it if I'm not given many details. I can, in an abstract way, be happy that a partner has other relationships that make him happy. But the more I hear, the less compersion I feel. Also, for the...

Spork, I like your early morning ramble take on self growth. Becoming more yourself, not changing yourself. That's really what I want for myself in any relationship... To not have to change who I am. I see soooo many threads that are basically, "I'm jealous, how can I stop being jealous?" or "...

Woke up sick today :( Ugh children and their germs. It did give me some time to think, though. To mull over why I am so insistent about not being poly and not being anyone's girlfriend. When I read the endless threads here and on other sites from scared newbies to nonmonogamy, it seems like...