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It's funny, I sort of skimmed this topic because I don't have kids, but then I realized that I do have some thoughts because my last bf had children and it's possible that a future bf might have children, so it's relevant to my interests, as the interwebz say. Yup, I couldn't have written it...

Welcome. :)

IMO, if she is an ex, then he needs to sever ties with her and ask/demand that she stop contacting him, harassing him, stalking him, whatever you want to call it. If he's interested in maintaining some kind of relationship with her (which I think would be ill-advised, personally), then you need...

Acknowledged. I've removed that part from my post, since it could cause confusion.

This just occurred to me: Ceoli - I think it's apparent that you and I have very different relationships in our lives. Your relationships (or the relationships you want) have everyone being involved with each other to a much higher degree than mine do. In my relationships, my H and my b/f...

Ah. I see. :) I think there's a bit of a misunderstanding here - and possibly due to my finally realizing a communication error. Ceoli, it seems (based on this and other posts) you automatically equate "policy" with "prescriptive." It also seems that you're equating having a "policy" with...

In many ways, I'm a very private person. And I believe that what is intimate between two people loses its intimacy when it's public fodder, or when either person feels free to just talk about it to anyone who asks. For me, respecting my privacy, and OUR privacy, is part of what I ask of a...

Heheh. Go figure, huh? I think it all depends on your level of comfort in what you call it, as well. I think we probably have very similar setups, just different terminology.

I think as long as you recognize that's YOUR perception, then we're cool. When you're saying that DADT is always a symptom of insecurity, then we have an issue. :) For us, it's not about insecurity. It's about respecting the privacy of each relationship and allowing each permutation of...

Yeah, same dynamic here, to a degree. Not quite as extreme, but similar. I guess for us, don't-ask-don't-tell is probably an extreme definition of what we have. We do share feelings and generalities, but not, as you said, the play-by-play. Neither of us wants that. And I think just in general...

Oh yeah. I think if I were ever in a situation where 3 (or more) of us lived together, or if I had a bf who was single and able to be more involved in my life (which might happen in the future, who knows?), I can see situations were 3-way emails would be much more appropriate and useful.

I thought about starting a thread on this too. :) As I mentioned, H and I have a don't-ask-don't-tell policy. H knows I have (had) other relationships. He knows *who* (in the sense of knowing their names, knowing a bit about them, how we met, etc.) I'm in a relationship with. My first bf was...

Hahaha. That made me giggle this evening. I like it.

My H and I have a sort of don't-ask-don't-tell policy. I don't date anyone who he doesn't know about, but I don't go into detail about dates, or what we do, or anything else. Right now, I'm actively looking for another partner, so I'll tell my H that I have a "meeting date" for drinks after...

Amen to the whole freakin' post! :D Words are important. Language evolves over time, yes. But there is a difference between language evolving and someone taking a word with an already-established definition and saying "I've decided that I think it means X, not Y." As I said before, it's...

It would bug me too, if it were the only text messages I was receiving from him. I wouldn't want to feel like my communications with my guy were just recycled from someone else. It's ok sometimes to send the same message to multiple people, but really, I don't think personal/romantic/sweet...

I agree with this, BUT I also have a very strong belief that one-on-one connections are important in our lives and relationships. I believe that all members of a relationship should be able to spend time one-on-one time with each other (as they choose to - i.e. you don't HAVE to build a...

Oh totally. It's just very easy to let sympathy slip into ... something a litlte more. I did it a couple of times with my last b/f and it made it harder to relate easily to his wife when they weren't having problems. And during a divorce, he'll swing back and forth between missing her and...

My husband and I split while I was involved in another relationship. It took a bit of reassuring my b/f that he was not the *reason* my husband and I split. I won't say that he wasn't a contributing factor towards my feelings - it sounds much like what your S described as the realization that...

I think one of the first discussions I participated on here was this one: http://polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1537 It was interesting to me that some people very much disliked using the word "need" in conjunction with a romantic relationship or individual.