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I also agree with both of these comments by Ygirl. I just have a hard time with things like "distancing" or "changing of dynamics" or whatever other substitute phrases you want to use. Please note that this is just me - my thoughts and how I feel - but to me it sounds like so much...

Amen to that. I do the same much of the time, and being a naturally social person it's sometimes hard. But I had to learn the hard way that not everyone who says they want to be a friend really wants to be a friend, or at least the way I define a friend. I may be one of the few people in the...

Yowch. Sounds scary for you and even more stressful with the other stuff going on. But it also sounds like a successful surgery could make a huge difference for you in terms of fixing pain and increased mobility and all kinds of stuff. Hang in there and I'll be sending good thoughts your way!

I'm going to be kind, but I'm also going to be honest. Here's the thing... and "We couldn't help ourselves" is the ultimate cop-out for doing something you know is wrong. I understand that you built this connection. I understand that you felt these emotions. But adults who are willing to take...

But sometimes the entire relationship *is* lost. Sometimes the hurt/anger/betrayal/whatever is so deep that there isn't a way to reshape the relationship - at least not at first and maybe not ever. And when that happens, there is (at least speaking personally) a very deep sense of something...

I think it does depend on one's desired outcome. FWIW, I was in a very happy V for 2 years. My guy was married, with kids. I knew his wife socially, and to say "hi" to, and we were friendly and respectful of each other, but I had no desire to become a full-time part of his family. And she was...

So the Saints lost tonight. *sob* I so wanted them to have a perfect season.

IMO, that's like saying "I'm a vegetarian, but I eat chicken." If you start defining the words the way YOU want them to mean, rather than the way the majority of the community accepts them to mean, then the words become meaningless. You can say that a one-night stand is polyamory, but it's...

Yup. It hurts a lot when a person you love doesn't love you back in the same way, but that's life, sometimes. It happens, and it sucks, and you move on. Maybe someday things will be different for her. Maybe they won't. But for now, this is what she wants, what she feels, and what she...

Yes, yes, yes. Exactly.

Do you think he could possibly feel this way because he knows (maybe even subconsciously) that the way he's behaving is not respectful of his partners (whether long-term ones, or otherwise)? I dunno. It's just been my experience that people tend to fear being judged most when they know they're...

Hah. Interesting. Well, there's physical age and emotional age. I'm thinking he might have some maturing to do. Then again, I know 50-year olds who have the emotional maturity of a 16 year old. So it takes all kinds. ;)

YGirl - I agree. :)

Wow this resonated with me. I used to be a "people pleaser" and wanted to be able to connect in some way with everyone. Perhaps not to the depth that you describe redpepper being, but close. I always felt I had to like and be liked by everyone or I was failing. Recent changes in my life...

Yeah, yeah. I knew someone was going to pull that out. It reminds me of the line from A Fish Called Wanda: "I'm sure she knows her own brother. After all, she's had a relationship with him all her life." But I think it's fairly clear what I meant. If not, I'll clarify-- building romantic...

The OP hasn't logged on to this site since Oct 26th. I suspect she's not reading any more since she got advice that she didn't want to follow.

Hi and welcome from another Newbie to the forum. :)

Good grief. How can you be bored with NY? :D I would move there in a heartbeat if I thought I could get work - and never be bored a minute. I'm enjoying your blog/thread Nikkiana. Thanks for sharing with us.

FWIW, I didn't come into the realization that I could be poly until I was almost 40. The concept that I could love two men in the same way at the same time and not be "unfaithful" to either of them blew my mind. It changed everything I thought about myself and my life and how I saw...

Hmm... I could be way off base here, because all I have to go on is what you've written, and it's really hard to get the full story in a couple of posts on the 'net. First of all, I'm guessing that P is as young as you are, or in that range. It sounds to me like P has latched on to the concept...