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I agree 100% with Mono. It almost sounds to me like this guy gets his jollies from emotionally manipulating his g/f and her partners. Those "rules" aren't logical or reasonable relationship rules. They're cat and mouse games, meant to keep the other couple from being able to find any balance...

I personally can't separate the two. I cannot have sex with someone who I don't respect and trust first. For me prostitution wouldn't be a valid option. I know there are others who feel the same. (Edited to add: I don't at all have a problem with prostitution and I think it should be...

Well, the sarcasm really isn't necessary. Yes, we should have talked. No, we didn't, for a variety of reasons. That was my point. Sometimes people *don't* talk when they should, for any number of what-seem-valid-at-the-time reasons, and then small things build into big things, feelings get hurt...

Sweetie - thanks for sharing. Your family story brought tears to my eyes. I would have liked to have had the opportunity to build that with my last b/f, but his wife let jealousy and insecurity get in the way and as a result we ended our relationship - and our friendship. It was one of the...

And sometimes what is not an issue for one couple might be a boundary for another couple, and no one realizes it until you're smack in the middle of it and it's too late. Honestly, I would rather go into a relationship where there are rules from the start, than find myself blindsided by "this...

Yeah, but I think he pretty much knew he hadn't won ... like he said in his interview that it sucked that one bad day could end it all. I wanted Kevin to win really badly. He just comes across as an all around nice guy and not at all full of himself. I'll probably watch it again next...

So what did y'all think of the finale? Were you disappointed or happy about the winner?

Agreed. I'm certainly not saying "get out now". :) I think, however, you need to spend time thinking about what meets YOUR needs and seriously considering whether this is a relationship that you want to continue for the rest of your life (or any long term period).

Interestingly enough, I find myself feeling quite the opposite of you, Ceoli. I want a relationship where I am decidedly a "second" in the hierarchy. That doesn't mean I want to be emotionally marginalized, or that I want to be treated unfairly, but I don't want to become a part of a...

But you see, this isn't a "negotiation" really. It's that he is going to do this thing and your choice is to accept it, or not accept it, and have it happen anyway. That's not negotiation. Because what you're experiencing now is not, IMO, poly. It's coerced approval of cheating. It's not poly...

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Are you looking for a loving relationship or to be someone's savior? If I have a partner who I love and respect and is struggling, I'll do everything I can to work with him and help him to be happy. But to enter into a relationship with someone who needs to be "worked with" and who isn't...

Ceoli beat me to it. Your thread title says "New to poly with husband," but this is not polyamory. This is flat-out cheating. The fact that he has emotionally manipulated you into condoning the cheating doesn't make it poly. You have taken time to express your concerns and your limits, and...

This. As I read through the story, it seems that you are committed to the relationship, and he isn't. You said that you've been monoamorous from the beginning, I'm assuming by agreement, yet he cheated multiple times, both physically and emotionally. You went to counseling and "resolved" those...

Well .. yes to both of those. In the context of this thread, "need" = bad (at least as I am reading the various responses). I think the statement that "X person doesn't meet all my needs" is a valid statement. So why avoid using the word, when the word has the exact meaning that you're...

I'm saying this with respect, so I hope it doesn't come across as a flame because it's not meant to be - but to me that sounds like a new-agey psychobabble way of saying "different people fill different needs". To me it demonizes the word need and puts people in a position of having to examine...

Hey Lovely. Welcome to the forum. I'm with Mono. Your story touched me. Some of the elements of it I can relate to in my own life, and others I empathise with. I have a few questions, not necessarily for the board, although if you wanted to answer them as a way of getting your own thoughts...

This is a good one. I have a "need" from my partner. IN order to be sexually satisfied I need a partner who is more take-charge, more aggressive, more firm. In some ways I am very submissive in my sex life and I *need* a partner who is willing to be dominant (not in a BDSM sense, but in a...

Huh. Interesting because the original post here touched off a bunch of thoughts in me that were a bit opposite of what I was reading. :) There are certain things that I *need* in a realationship for it to be successful. If I am to be in a long term relationship with someone I need for them...

# First thing you wash in the shower? my hair # What color is your favorite hoodie? Don't own a hoodie (I know ... sacrilige, right?) # Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? In a heartbeat. # How are you feeling RIGHT now? Tired and my eyes itch (my contacts need to come out) #...