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When one has been together for a while a reservoir of shared experience is created that a third party joining the relationship has not been a part of. If (when) decisions are made based on that shared history and the third party is affected by that reference then, yes, couple privilege is...

So it's not really a surprise after all? Sounds like you always knew deep down inside that the whole setup was fragile. I guess I concur with the previous comment, take what you can from it and leave the rest. It's no good leaving bitterness and upset in your system! Still, it does take time to...

Was there no sign of this during the two years? Did it really just happen "out of the blue"? I know how easy it is to see what one wants to see, and part of the learning might be for you to learn to heed the warning signs that I suspect might well have been there. And, indeed, it sucks when...

I recently met a Chinese woman who told me she should would never have a relationship with a white man because of the way white people smell. I wonder, is she racist, or is she simply noticing that there are differences that affect attraction?

Hi Butterfly! Welcome - and I like the (Swedish) name :-)

In some cultures (the Anglo-Saxon ones in particular), that is true. I've yet to hear of a 'traditional' i.e. church / state ceremony that has an option for non-monogamous vows in western culture though. Or does one simply cross ones fingers while taking the vows....? A thought, how many people...

It seems wildly unrealistic to me to believe that you can make a promise never to change / grow / evolve / re-consider in your life. In our case the only thing we promised was that we would stay together as long as we both felt that we were being supported in our personal and mutual growth...

I wonder why people post at all if they're not interested in feedback, and potentially learning from that feedback. Do they perceive this forum as place that will simply provide unqualified positive support once they decide that they are 'poly'? "I've joined the club, please love me"...

I suppose it all depends on how one defines civil. In London I experience civility when someone is polite to me. In NY I'm happy when they don't shoot me. (Just kidding!!) Indeed, behavioural expectations can be at the root of many a misunderstanding.

I'm wondering, did you discuss fluid bonding before it happened? Or were you simply told about it afterwards? What are your agreements (if any) when it comes to checking things in advance? Since it seems that the whole relationship with the other woman was revealed to you after the fact, I can...

No, not at all. It was referring to the OP. But I do feel that your observation concerning relationship skills was, in general, correct.

This is very true in my experience. BTW a good strategy for 'unicorn hunters' is to make sure your own existing relationship is in great shape. If you treat each other in a way that a potential new partner sees your interactions and thinks 'wow, I'd like to be treated that way', well you might...

Love Unlimited: The Joys and Challenges of Open Relationships (it's available on Amazon, also as an e-book). My co-author is the Dutch polyamory counsellor Leonie Linssen. She's one of the foremost professionals in the Netherlands that deals with 'non-traditional' relationships.

Experience versus opinion I co-wrote a book a couple of years ago on the subject of non-traditional relationships. During the research phase I spoke with hundreds of people. Although my sample was not large enough to be statistically accurate, I feel confident in saying that for every...

Although it takes some learning, non-ejaculatory sex could be a way forward. There are lots of Taoist / Tantric books and courses that might be of assistance. It was the only way the Chinese emperor could manage his 1200 concubines :)