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Been there, done that. Slowly but surely getting the hang of it and making smarter choices. When I stop the 'I'm the rescuer' gig it makes a huge difference (especially in the energy loss department).

If having a good friend is an effort for you, then I totally understand that you need to make sure you don't have too many of them. If you do, you'll run out of energy. There are people who find that having friends is no effort at all, that it in fact it gives them energy. So the problem is not...

From what I've seen of babies (both my own and others) I'd say we're all born with the capacity to love many people. How we then choose to express our love is simply a matter of socialisation and personal choice. Some do it one way, some do it another, some (sadly) don't do it at all....

I suspect it was more of a 'please tell me I'm right' attempt, and when instant approval was not forthcoming offence was taken. I believe the self-observation concerning lack of maturity may be a salient one here ;)

Relax :) I didn't see any judging, just informing. A bit of self-awareness of one's limitations is never a bad thing and you're right, it does require maturity and a good amount of self-esteem and self-confidence to navigate multiple loving relationships. The problem, as I see it, is that...

Well, if you really mean that then it shows that both these women really do mean something to you. Once you've dealt with the aftermath of telling the truth (if you screw up the courage to do it) that might be as good a place as any to start the process of rebuilding your relationship(s). BTW...

Hopeless, maybe not, but your chances are probably the same as seeing a pig fly. Once the trust is broken, and you've broken trust big time, it is usually extremely difficult to rebuild it. The fact that you seem to be more connected to your mistress than your wife does not bode well either...

I found this interesting quote in an old Taoist text while looking for info on Taoist Sacred Sexuality practices in the context of multiple relationships. "Quite a few men find they are attracted to or interested in being in a relationship with more than one woman. Few men, however, can love...

:D

Ouch. You're just a plaything? Good call to exit that situation, but breakups do suck. Good luck regaining your balance.

Which probably reduces the number of potential partners dramatically. But I can see where you're coming from. That filter should lower the amount of drama and hassle enormously. :)

But in this case, it's simply a question of erring on the side of caution. No one has ever died (I don't think, anyway) from someone saying, "Sorry, but I don't want to have unprotected sex with you," or "Sorry, I don't want to have sex with you." Unfortunately, people have died from saying...

I agree. Thought about it a bit, and realised that it's not what we do, but the intensity of the connection that defines my relationships. Intensity definitely changes over time.

Interesting. Started to do my own diagram but I'm wondering what line pattern to use for a non-sexual romantic relationship?

Actually, you need to be careful if you start poking into your heritage / race. I recently discovered that every single one of the women in my father's lineage (straight back) were unwed mothers. This is going back at least 300 years. They must have had a terrible time of it is my guess given...

I second that. The best I can do personally is 'be comfortable and accepting with her having another partner'. It actually took quite a while and work to get to that point...

I suspect this is the real nub of the issue here if I read the OP correctly. Of course she wants things to work out wonderfully now that they've decided to be honest. That's human. But I suspect she's in a bit of denial when it comes to her own behaviour. The harsh reality is that her actions...

It sounds like you both have a lot of emotional triggers that make it difficult to have a balanced, calm conversation when difficult issues arise. Can you and S find some way to create a new way of interacting that leads to a more harmonious relationship? Fewer ultimatums and more negotiations...

There is an excellent interview with two polyamorous people on KRO. (It's in Dutch).

Just to clarify - what exactly is your pet peeve? The existence of 'Unicorn Hunters' or the fact that they come to this board looking for their 'Unicorn'? If it's the former I'm not sure what can be done. If it's the latter I can imagine that there could any number of remedies. For instance...