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Monogamy and the Rules of Love will be broadcast on BBC Radio 4 on Monday 19 August at 20:00 BST Article: How does a polyamorous relationship between four people work?

The negotiation I refer to is not about trying to find a "middle way" where all concerned are giving up a bit of their happiness to keep the peace. Instead it's more about creating opportunities for growing relationships, both collectively and as individuals, without destroying the fabric that...

I have mentioned that I have lived in a triad for 4 years. It's quite drama-free, so not much to report. My co-author is the foremost poly-friendly counselor in The Netherlands. I'd be happy to forward you her details if you'd like to know more. Our data was based on her (and others') case...

Based on the research I made into hundreds of poly setups (I wrote a book on poly) this is not quite true, or at least not in Western Europe. Other parts of the world may be different, of course. The main dynamic I saw in the breakdowns I studied was lack of clear agreements, or agreements that...

This sounds very odd to me. You call him a gentleman, not a boyfriend, and yet you have been to all extents and purposes sharing each others lives? This has a very strange vibe to it....

Just because things don't work out with him doesn't mean you are any less of a person. Having said that, rejection sucks and hurts. Hang in there - time is the great healer.

Some men are so totally fixated on sex that everything else (conversations, dates, etc) are only viewed as tedious prelude to 'the prize'. Sounds like he slipped up in his strategy :o I guess it's really hard to know when someone is interested in you - and not just what you can provide for...

What an idiot! To think that such a comment might be a conversation opener. But I guess he wasn't thinking about conversation....

<pinching myself> Wow, I agree with Natja for once. Consenting adults can love each other and choose their own configuration :) You may not agree with it, but then again it's their lives, not yours.

I wish you the best - if nothing else it sounds like your boyfriend has a courageous woman in his life. Hopefully he appreciates this :)

Or angry with yourself for not having seized the chance while you had it. It sounds like you know what you need to do.

That's sound pretty human to me :) At the risk of stating the obvious, of course you are 'girlfriend material'. Isn't everyone, to someone? Well, OK, maybe not everyone - but the vast majority of people have a match somewhere. Of course you might not be his 'girlfriend material' - which is the...

What sort of communication do you two have? It sounds like you don't feel like you can be really open and honest with him about how you feel. Is this true? Are you afraid that if you are really upfront with him that you will scare him away? Maybe the real issue here is not whether you are...

Thanks, it's good be reminded of that. To be fair, it's tough enough on her to have a new man in mommies life, to have it be a man AND a woman is of course really hard. So it's not like I don't have compassion for her. But sometimes the behaviour gets to me... I guess the real point is that...

Exactly. Our life would be a great show: Episode 7 - Dealing with the teenager ======================= In which the 12 year old daughter decides that the latest way to show her disapproval of mommies relationship is to make faces behind the boyfriend's back in public. She then hotly denies...

I found it humorous. It's an unlikely consequence of the configuration - but it could be fun :) Relax.

Sounds like a commercial success :rolleyes:

It'll keep you from getting bored then :D

Indeed. The last thing I expected, or was looking for, was a triad. It just happened. No plan, no strategy. So no expectations - which is one reason it seems to work. Now if only the children would be as enthusiastic :( Sigh.

The couple started off with a clear understanding that it was an open relationship. It morphed into them being primaries for each other, with lots of secondaries. At some point one of them started to get 'guidance' about people they were supposed to have relationships with. Past lives, twin...