Search results

I don't know if she lacks filters. She's never shown signs of that before. She definitely knows how to use discretion when she needs to hide something of her own... But when it comes to other people, there tends to be this sense that, everything is fair game, as long as no one has specifically...

Very true. And very good advice. Especially, when it comes to the running errands part. Something small & relevant to the situation. Telling her I'd rather have sat that shopping trip out, because now I have to decompress. Or, just find something to do by myself. Go for a drive, for example. As...

I'm definitely having my ups & downs, but you're right... Things are improving. From where I stand, I trust my wife to keep the boundaries within our marriage when it comes to mono vs. poly. Sex, romance, etc... The thing is, there seems to be this inability on her part, to maintain privacy...

One thing I'm curious about... You say that you think she may be asexual. Which is possible, but, did you ever get that feeling before she came out as poly? You don't need specific details, but did she seem disinterested in sex BEFORE that moment last summer? Also, the whole bit about "this is...

Honestly, it's not as much the attention from men, as it's attention from anyone. The thing is, that even though I have no doubt that she loves me, she tends to want people in her life that will affirm that everything she does, and every reaction she has, is appropriate. I'll give you an...

I honestly don't know what type of consequence there would be. I'm a big believer in making consequences appropriate to the situation. Something like that, while incredibly irritating, certainly isn't as drastic as other situation. We could skip the errands I suppose, but I'm not sure that's a...

And the scab is ripped one more time. Now, if there is any silver lining here, it's that I think she may have FINALLY begun to understand my point. Saturday morning, we're both getting ready for our usual errand running. I rather enjoy this time, because it's real time that we spend together...

No doubt about it, they certainly have improved. I still get my moments, and the nightmares haven't completely gone away... But much better over all. It's just when situations seem to keep coming up, the scab rips off & the wound is revealed.

I don't disagree with you on the corrosive pattern that these circumstances tend to have. Once can me written off (depending on the nature), twice still can be, but gets annoying, and starts to brings questions into patterns & common factors. Any more than that, even if each...

That's not a bad system to consider. Communication, in general is what I've been after as far as improving. Now, obviously, small purchases, or taking up a hobby are fine with discussing. So yes. Green light on those. Yellow light... It's funny you mention about a parent coming to live with us...

That's very good advice. And I thank you for that. She did apologize for telling me about mr Chicago the other day, because she knew that it would re-trigger. She told me that she did so, only because she wanted me to feel confident that she wasn't keeping anything from me. Which, to her credit...

I agree with the others. But to give you a little perspective on where you're coming from (something I am quite familiar with), you need to realize the likelihood, that he does not, and possibly never will have the interest in seeking the same "raw energy" as you feel. As much as you might think...

I know that it's really about our marriage. And I don't deny that there is a major factor in the situations with the previous people. Obviously, this Chicago guy played out differently, but it's tough to write off one as just being some nut, when it's part of an overall pattern where, for some...

Thank you... I try to have compassion for myself. I really don't like to look at this as "self pity" (although, I'm aware it may come across that way at times). I guess sometimes, it's easy to fall into that mindset when it feels like wave after wave of bad fortune. And it's not that I don't...

I understand what you're saying, and I certainly see that, framing it in such a way, may not come across as asking for an apology... Maybe, in time I might mention it & put it that way. However, my wife is not expecting me to "give him a chance". Even she, herself, said that she's a bit wary...

Thank you for saying that. It's true... The Jersey guy situation was devastating. And what made things difficult, is that the more descriptive analogy I would give to illustrate the pain, the more it appeared as though I was exaggerating. Of course, that's the problem with analogies sometimes...

Well, what I do next, is nothing. I try to forget it as best I can. Do I consider the apology through my wife good enough? No. As for him apologizing to me directly, that would at least gain a little of my respect, but I can't honestly say at this point & time whether or not I would even...

There is a lot of truth in that. Yes, I'm still tender about it. Granted, better than I was 9 months ago, but those wounds cut deeply. I know that most here (at least, those who where here at the time I first signed on) are aware of my back story. However, in this circumstance, with this guy...

I understand what you're saying... The truth is, my wife & I had been done with this conversation since we first talked about it on Monday. And I do look at how she handled it as a testament to her fidelity, and have the confidence that she can fight off jackasses like this... But it doesn't...

I'm upset because I trusted him. He knew the boundaries and ignored them anyway. Now, it doesn't mean that I'm going to obsess about payback or anything... but to be irritated at someone who betrays your trust is not an inappropriate reaction.