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Okay, let's not get too excited about the "science" about the damage that porn causes. I would like to point out that these studies seem like preliminary research, at best, relying heavily on case studies. We have to be careful when we interpret preliminary research like this that we don't take...

But how is porn use "new"? Like, are you saying that you could look at porn before, but now you can't because you're poly?

Okay, maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but this deal just doesn't seem reasonable. From your other thread, it looks like you are struggling to accept her wish to date another man. Can't you at least look at pictures of naked ladies on the internet? If you are not categorically vetoing her other...

I'd still say that by changing your activities, you can redirect or train your thoughts, but you are still never able to control them. But that's just all semantics. I get what you're saying. What we are both saying is that you can control your actions (whether to watch porn or not, for...

This is a really helpful thread to me and I am enjoying reading everyone's responses. Since coming here, I have been thinking about these labels and where I fit in. We opened up our relationship for casual sex with other partners. No real rules except to use condoms. Husband is content with a...

Yeah, though the more pressing reason to object to it is that, unless it's a cartoon, they use real kids to, you know, make it.

Okay, River, thanks for educating. I think you have a healthy approach to this. Even though your thoughts about sex seem to dwell on romantic love only, you don't expect the same of your partner. I think that's good, because nobody can or should expect to control their partner's thoughts. If...

I think your wife is making up excuses for why she doesn't like porn. "There's no love involved" seems like a rationalization. Does your every sexual thought have to involve deep feelings of affection and attachment? That just seems like way too much to ask of a regular person. In fact, since...

Woah, this is getting into dangerous territory here. Does Sundance know he is wrecking things so spectacularly? I think you need to talk to him ASAP and let him know that his *current* actions are eroding your trust in him and your respect for him. Tell him you didn't think he was the kind of...

Oh, fine, if you want to be all flowery about it. :p

'Cause making lots of rules is part of the whole fun of the D/s thing.

No, but for other people, that lifestyle will be very lovely! Nobody's trying to attack you. We just want to make sure that you have realistic expectations, that's all--that things might develop slowly, that you might not get exactly what you want, and that exactly that you want now might not...

I was thinking the same thing. You guys have planned what bathroom this girl will use, but you haven't met a girl yet! I assume you didn't move in with your husband right after you met him--you dated for awhile. I expect that this would most likely happen once you start dating other people...

He sounds like he was pretty excited at the prospect of you not going out with another guy for 6 weeks. Are you sure he's okay with individual playtime at all? If he really is okay with it, then he has to let you do it. Is there a reason why he needs you home at a certain time like that? Do you...

Heh. Gentleman caller. LOLZ FOREVER.

Make sure he's listening to Dan Savage's podcast. With all the non-monogamy stuff Dan's talking about these days, once you bring up the idea of not being exclusive, it won't seem so emotionally charged or out of left field. Worked for us. Seriously.

Amor, you do seem to be beating yourself a lot for fucking up horribly. I'm still not totally clear on your situation here, but... can I check some details here? You were married to your husband, right, when you developed a friendship with another man. Over a period of (months? years?) that...

More young people are living at home these days, as work is getting a bit more scarce. It's not just your son. What needs to be addressed the most, the next time he says his friends don't approve of triads, is that you don't really care what his friends think of anything, because they don't...

Gosh, Dingedheart, I said you were projecting onto MY relationship dynamic. You're acting like people have denied to you that anyone can lose interest in their partners at all, ever. Obviously people can lose interest in their partners, and it obviously happened to you, and might be happening to...

Carma, you can't force yourself to love somebody. It seems like you're putting a lot of pressure on your marriage to have to insist that both of you feel the same way about an outside partner. No wonder Sundance doesn't want to bring her over. He isn't sure how he feels about this girl yet, but...