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  1. Q

    Not enough?

    My response to that question is to say that it is not about "enough," but about variety and extra happiness. I try to relate it to parents who want another child. Was the first one not good enough? People don't see it that way. They see it as additional love and fun added to the family. You can...
  2. Q

    Rookie with a Problem

    Try to imagine if the situation were reversed. What if it had worked out great for you but she wasn't attracted to the guy. What would you want her to do? It sounds like it may just be envy. I think you are right in not forcing yourself to be with them if you feel no desire. But there are...
  3. Q

    Religious survey

    I think Ayn Rand turned it into one. :)
  4. Q

    So confused... need to talk to someone with experience

    Like the others, I think this could be a great triad if everyone could be honest. I think you should talk to them about polyamory. Get them to open up somewhat. If you don't get everyone acting honestly, it will probably end badly. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
  5. Q

    very new

    My criteria is to wait until I feel my primary relationship is stable before bringing someone else in. No need to have a new partner deal a primary relationship that is not working.
  6. Q

    Now what do I do?

    Insecurity and jealousy are big concerns for a poly relationship. One way to help your partner understand is to make an analogy to having children. If you have another child, it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with the first child. It doesn't mean you love the first child any less. It...
  7. Q

    Polyamory and Christianity

    I think if you are trying to do a well-rounded review of the Bible, then check out some college lectures on the New Testament. One I listened to tried to unravel what happened by reconciling internal and historical contradictions by using a few assumptions like older stories were more likely to...
  8. Q

    My situation, and an appeal for advice

    From what I have seen, triads are very hard to maintain, because it is hard for everyone to feel the same about each other. People change. Feelings ebb and flow. And if it doesn't work, it can be explosive. I think what works well, is for each relationship to work itself out without being...
  9. Q

    Hello! Im new, and confused.

    It sounds like yoiu have accepted the idea that you can love two people at the same time, so you got the basic poly philosophy. (The other component is making sure everyone is informed of what is happening.) I think one question you should ask yourself is if your boyfriend did open up...
  10. Q

    Not sure if this is for me anymore

    I think your relationship with her doesn't have to be romantic. Over time, I came to the conclusion that triads are tough because everyone may not have equivalent feelings for each other. I think it is better to let it become a V than to try to force a triad. Some good relationship advice I...
  11. Q

    Religion and its hold

    I work with an "agnostic" Catholic. Basically, he likes the culture, but doesn't accept all the dogma. He told me about growing up in Catholic school. One day, the nuns are teaching him about divorce. They said that the church doesn't recognize it. So "remarrying" was really adultery since they...
  12. Q

    Marriage not working out? Lets try poly!

    I was in a relationship where both of us were poly. However, we were not in a good place in our relationship. We made the decision to work on our relationship first. There were two main reasons. One is that it would not be fair to being someone into our relationship when it was so rocky. Another...
  13. Q

    New to all this and need advice

    I think the easiest way to think of this is to think of two things that you love. For example, you may love both parents, but you see the relationships as different. Or may be you have pets, kids, or maybe best friends. (As a worst case, maybe favorite food can work as an analogy.) When I...
  14. Q

    Trying to minimize hurt feels

    One thing I have noticed is that when someone is in NRE, they tend to be more affectionate with others. So some of this could be part of your husbands behavior. I think most people try to mute their NRE somewhat so they don't get annoying. Let him know that you are interested and ask him...
  15. Q

    Religion and its hold

    I tend to agree, but I think a lot of introspection will rule out many possible paths. For example, if a person chooses to believe in a god who helps people, then they need to figure out why that god did not help out a child dieing in a mudslide or from hunger. Or if there is a soul, what does...
  16. Q

    When 2 of Triad (or more) have a conflict

    I was the same way. I tried to be the mediator. However, it did wear me down some. But I thought it was my job in a sense as part of the triad. However, after listening to other people in triads, I think a better approach is not to be the mediator. Let them handle it and try to stay out of it...
  17. Q

    Advice needed?

    Sometimes it can be too easy to try to forgive and forget. I had a relationship where my girlfriend cheated on me even though we had an open relationship. All she had to do was talk to me about it, but she hid it instead. I saw the warning signs and clues that she was cheating, but I kept...
  18. Q

    Religion and its hold

    As a kid, I was told that God wants marriages between one man and one woman and they should not divorce. So everyone around me held this as a gold standard of success in life. But my parents divorced when I was round 9. After they divorced, I noticed that each one was happier. I realized that...
  19. Q

    Religion and its hold

    I am an atheist, but I grew up in a Christian household. I also have met many people of many different faiths. I see a lot of guilt associated with religious upbringing. I think children are very easy to indoctrinate, which is why I think it is hard for some people to easily get rid of their...
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