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Actually, no. Not only is my relationship not protected by any law, I get to keep it mostly under wraps so future employers can't say "Oh, she's unfit for this career." Being poly has also not magically solved the disability thing or the one-crisis-away-from-poverty thing. I did all the hard...

It's not, though. Because a surefire way to get him out of society, stop him doing this to anyone again, and maybe free Jay from the abuse is prosecution. Hence why I brought it up at all.

I think until we know what the norms are for ethical non-monogamists, we can't really go much further with a scale of any kind. The second part of developing that table was always going to involve Kinseyesque research.

FWIW, what sealed "being poly" for me wasn't my wanting to have other partners. It was the total disconnect between the norm (a couple is inviolable) and what made sense to me (...but I would totally not get in the way! Just be extra! And cute! You could both love me if you wanted!). That's...

Everyone here has made some really good points, but I want to make one more that I'm not sure got made: If someone who knew he had HIV infected you, surprise! He's a criminal and you can take him down. Abusive assholes get away all the time; HIV has, if I remember correctly, a special test...

I'd feel like that was a major breach of trust, if at first someone told me zie was good with non-monogamy and then later on exploded all over me with "BUT I WANT YOU TO BE MINE ALOOOONE". One of those statements becomes a lie, and the lie is so tied up in what the relationship is that I doubt I...

That. It's kind of fun for me being able to geek out about this stuff without having to direct the people around me to Poly 101. :D

He'll go back on his changes if he notices there are no consequences for doing so. Make the consequences happen. Marriage counseling is an excellent idea, especially as your own efforts to create a more harmonious environment have failed. Sometimes we need a third party to look at the whole...

I still think this is better done with two axes, because we're not dealing with one dimension anymore. (And even Kinsey was smart enough to leave the romantic/sexual divide alone.) So I'd graph it out over four quadrants, shifting the start of the scale to -3 on both, so they could cross at 0...

So how does the Lorax scale work for people who are emotionally polyamorous but unwilling to fuck more than one person? Where do they fall? What about asexuals, who can only then be rated on their romantic inclinations? Are you throwing them off the Lorax/out of poly as you see it?

Is there a reason you can't do this via email? Some of us are just that shy about showing our faces.

Taking it as I read: -- Your husband was taking you for granted after that first year. Becoming a hobby widow is one of my dealbreakers and I personally would not have stuck around if the most he could give me was the occasional morsel of support. By itself, the sexual incompatibility can be...

I couldn't deal with that. If I could take a job, I probably wouldn't take one that required me to work opposite hours to CdM, and not just because he has a 9-to-5. He doesn't live with me, as it happens, and I still only see him once a week for overnights, so if I took an evenings-and-weekends...

Female-bodied female, 26. 1. Who is all inclusive of your polyamorous group? I am one leg of a vee with CielDuMatin (the hinge, male, poly) + our metamour (other leg, female, mono). 2. How many partners do you have that you live with? None. They live together; she has boundaries around other...

I'm glad we seem to be coming to consensus, at least. Here is common ground. Here is a place I can start to discuss this with you. Yes, absolutely, there are those of us who will become skeptical. This is how it is for allies of any group (LGBTQ, people of color, people with disabilities--this...

Actually, I was saying the other poster had it right. Virginia said no in 1776; eighty-five years later, oh, look! A civil war. Because eventually enough of us did get fed up. Didn't get black people equal rights in this country, and many would argue they still haven't got them (see also T...

Like the other poster whose name I don't currently recall pointed out, your grasp of the history involved is shaky at best. What actually happened only proves my point. Social changes that stick happen slowly. Now stop mansplaining oppression to me. I've got... something nasty, and I can't...

We can delve all we like, but nothing changes history. We can move forward doing as we please; the history will still be there, will still have shaped modern cultures around the world, and attempting to undo it in one generation is, to borrow from Clarkson et al, "ambitious but rubbish".

Meera, where there are Gen Y students in the US, there are probably people calling women "sluts and whores". I attended a ritzy rural school and a more urban community college, and I heard the same things. My generation grew up watching porn online and seems to think, simultaneously, that: a)...

That's how I feel about it, anyway. We only get to choose for ourselves, and I think mono people who spend any time around polys figure that out right quick. :)