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I read in another thread that people tend to disappear from forums because they decided this wasn’t for them or because things were going so well. I’m in the latter group, thankfully, although the current state of affairs is more like polyamory in principle but in practice, there are only us...

I guess I consider myself both childfree and poly. I wonder if the same attitude to life in general (ie, that the quality and tone of your living is more a thing of your own creation rather than fulfilling a preset model that everyone else in your culture does) informs both poly and opting out...

I didn't mean to imply that you were "sitting on your ass" :p It's tough that sometimes the people that need the help the most are in exactly the position that limits their access to that help... Please don't understand me the wrong way: in my experience it never helps to pity someone and go...

I don't have anything to offer in the way of support or encouragement, but having personally been in depressive messes like what you're describing, I would say that everything should take a back seat until you've sorted out your mental health. I know that some people will disagree with me...

I'm agreeing with the 6 month estimates... my bf of almost a year still makes me giggle and blush sometimes, but I'm also enjoying the deeper, more intense things that are developing now... I'd say NRE is just a fun crackle before the really good stuff begins :o

This post was very difficult to read. Although I never lived with my boyfriend, and he was never married to his other girlfriend, our position was similar to what you're describing here. Like the other posters have mentioned, some stuff stands out: "I don't mind if they continue to date, but...

"Perfection requires constant vigilance" :D

I think sometimes you just have to take the love and affection that you get from this world in the form it comes to you...? You seem to be hesitant to go down this road with this new woman, because it will threaten an imagined possible (monogamous) future... but there's something in you that's...

What about this stereotype: "Oh poor girl, you poor sad, abused creature, you must have such low self esteem to let your man run around with other women! What? You're happy with it? You must be delusional then, too..." :rolleyes:

Oh dear. What a mess :( From your description of things, it sounds as though they haven't put very much effort into making you feel comfortable with things, and that discussions seems to have degenerated quite a bit. He agreed to be faithful to you and wasn't. Doesn't matter if he's poly...

I have experienced a lot of what you're talking about. It's a strange place to be in - there's a lot of mixed emotions, or there was for me, when my partner started having problems with his gf. On the one hand, I was sad for him, and wished he didn't have to go through the pain of it, on the...

You seem to have a pretty good handle on things. I don't have any suggestions to make because I think you are doing exactly what you need to: thinking things out, searching deeply, asking yourself the hard questions... I know what you mean about this fundamental change in your core beliefs, the...

Hmmm... before you give her a reassuring talk etc., I hope you tell her off for snooping! Kids!:p

I really don't want to be negative here, especially since you seem to be asking for encouragement etc., but you have known this guy for just over a month, and already you have come up against two MAJOR differences, ie that he is poly, and you aren't, and that he is kinky, and you, from the...

Agree with previous posts. I don't even think it's got much to do with poly - I wouldn't be impressed if close friends, family members etc. constantly texted someone else while they were with me. If your partner has decided to call the setup a polyamorous one (despite important people not...

Aaaah... so many of the world's problems would be easier if we all decided to use cake-metaphors to explain our positions ;) I suppose the difficulty is coming to find out what sort of a creature you are - an omnivore or... a panda :D

Well, who knows, but I think a real asshole doesn't consider the question of how much of an asshole they are? :o

Well, then you have both misunderstood me :) I don't see how there can be any disrespect in a question, I have often found that I learn a lot questioning myself about things that seem fundamental. Besides, I happen to agree with you. Of course, there are people out there who turn to other...

Everyone seems to have really sensible advice. We don't know what happened in your past, but intuitively I would say that you be careful with yourself and maybe try resolve that before moving into dynamics with other people... In my case at least, I found that willingly putting myself in a...

You know, I didn't think of that. Of conceptualising the size of the thing not in terms of your needs only, but what you want to give... That's awesome :)