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I just want to take a moment to acknowledge how hierarchy-centric this thread has been. Not to give anyone in particular a hard time, I just think it's interesting. Like, if we think that it's cheating to be intimate with someone else unless your spouse says it's ok, then is it cheating on the...

Haha, I started on my reply over an hour ago, got distracted, just finished it up, and then saw this. :) I took a lot more words to say the same thing. :p

I don't think that one is necessarily more ethical than the other. To me, it's the journey -- honesty, conversation, negotiation, attempts at compromise and reconciliation, and efforts to minimize damage done -- that make things in such a complex situation more or less ethical, not the final...

KC, I just wanted to say that I love your last comment, I think it was very clear and helpful.

I think I agree with this view of what constitutes cheating on this situation.

THIS, exactly. Thank you. As long as everyone is being honest and is free to make their own choices, uncoerced, you may be breaking a promise if you decide you need to be poly (could be an implicit or an explicit promise, could be the promise to be together monogamously forever, or to only make...

I agree with you, for the record, that the more ethical thing to do is to leave the situation entirely if you intend to no longer follow the preestablished rules and your partner is not ok with that. But things are not always that simple, and people may end up staying together for a variety of...

Let me try to be clearer. You and I, Kdt, don't know each other personally. So, if I'm sleeping with my bf, Pike, and you say "I don't consent to that!", uh, that's a bit of a nonsensical statement. You don't GET to consent or not consent to what I do with my body and my bf. You may not LIKE...

Consent is something you can only give regarding your own self. I can tell my partner and the person he/she wants to hook up with it that I don't want that to happen, that I don't give my permission for it to happen within the bounds of our relationship, and that I'll break up with my partner if...

I never thought I would be into a bratty sub. Then I fell in love with one. <3

It doesn't sound whiny, though I'm sorry you're in that situation. Your husband is too socially anxious to go out to eat? Is he getting any treatment in the way of therapy or medication? Being that isolated can end up being a very unhealthy thing.

@KC I went back and read your later comment above and saw the bit about social anxiety. Do you have a good friend who might be willing to go to munches with you the first few times? The friend doesn't need to actually be kinky to attend a social event. Maybe your husband would even be willing...

@Hannah How about Mister?

@KC43 I haven't read the other responses, so I'm probably repeating things that have already been said, but I thought I'd throw my two cents in anyway. The safest way to find a dominant partner is to actually spend some time in the kink social scene, make friends, and find out who's respected...

I can't think of anything that being poly has caused me to lose, other than, obviously, potential opportunities for mono relationships.

My heart really hurts for you and your family, LR. Thank you for sharing the update, and I second kdt's hope that you'll keep checking in. We all care about you and yours. Please don't think that your hard work with the kids is out the window -- things might be turbulent now, but the vast...

Galagirl has such good advice. One trick is to pretend that the situation was happening to your best friend in the world instead of to you. What things would you say or not say to your best friend? What would you do or say to cheer her up? A little insecurity is a normal feeling, and...

I need to stop starting posts with "a few quick thoughts", they always end up being a bunch of long paragraphs when I do that...

A few quick thoughts -- - Why is Portia the primary breadwinner AND the primary emotional caregiver to the kids? Could Lysander pick up the slack in at least one of these areas? Seems like it could make a big positive impact. - I don't think it's unreasonable to 1) be more attracted to someone...

One last thought for now. Having a low libido is one thing, but not being willing/able to talk about preferences during sex or really enjoy it sound like problems to me. Portia, have you considered seeing a sexual therapist? And/or, have the two of you considered couple's therapy?