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So... I'm trying to grasp if Bud is having just a fear or if it is a trust issue that he is having with me. I'm hoping I can throw it out there to yall so you can run with it and maybe shed some light or it just make for an interesting conversation. Last night Bud asked me last night if his...

Awww! Thank you Mono. You just made me feel not so alone. I am doing much better now. I'm actually going to start a discussion about it tonight or tmrw.

I am not a secondary, but I will say what Bud said in this situation. My fiance and I were on horrible terms not too long ago. I wasn't sure if we were going to make it. Bud (boyfriend) was going to stay with me if that were the case, but he didn't think that he could do poly again 1) because he...

We have actually settled into a completely poly-fi relationship. So there's at least one set.

Coming out of lurker mode-- maybe it would help to know who exactly is feeling excluded. We can't actually ask those who left and have not spoken up for their reasons why. We could have an "I have left the building and here's why" thread, but I can see that easily turning into a conflict thread...

If you read what I wrote, I spoke of how she picks apart people's words to serve her agenda. I didn't say what that agenda is, because when she gets on one of these kicks, it could be about anything. And I also said that it wasn't about this post. I just see a pattern of what made me...

Sigh... Ceoli, I just have to get this off my chest. I really admire the knowledge that you CAN bring to the table. You have helped me a lot and others here, as well, but it was you that I was referring to in agreeing with Ari. You seem to have an agenda to point out how this forum has popular...

I agree, Ari. There have been a few that use other's words as weapons against them, twisting them into daggers. And then, when it's pointed out to them, they claim it's for the sake of debate. It's not their fault the others' vocab isn't up to par. It was sad and disheartening, because for the...

Exactly, Mono! No one should be turning anyone else's world upside down until the dust settles. Someone, you, Redpepper, or even both, need to step outside of it, to a certain extent, and be his calm within the storm. His voice of reason. His guiding light.

Mono, it is not your responsibility to bring anything to their intimate relationship. I can see where you are coming from about your boundaries taking something away. He obviously agreed to these at some point for them to be in effect. You should bring this up with him, see if he sees it the...

So has he decided he is no longer poly?

If this is the case it's highly unlikely you will get a lasting relationship out of it, but you may turn into a catalyst for him discovering want he wants with his life by testing the waters. Is it worth the risk of you heart? That's the question. You should definitely bring it up with him.

I feel your pain, RP. It's a tough spot to be in when you need to care for someone else and your own needs conflict with what they they feel you should be doing to comfort them. I've been in situations before where it felt like I was getting sucked into the black hole of their despair, instead...

Was the sex on the couch a boundary break or did it just unnerve him? My fiance heard my deep breaths (supposedly) over a loud movie I was playing while Budkep and I slept together one night when we all came to visit him. It was not a boundary break, but it did freak him out. It came down to...

Redpepper, I'm really sorry for everyone's hurt. I just want to say that it's the person that does such a horrendous thing, not the relationship dynamic. She is to blame, not the LDR. I can't say how much I feel for all of you, because I was in an LDR. Now I live with Budkep and my fiance and I...

Thanks a bunch and good luck to your friend and her partner!

P.S. Excuse the typos! I'm on my phone. Another thing sprang up for me when I used the word symptom. She should be prepared for anything when she talks to him about it. It could be laziness. It could be an emotional disconnect. But it could be something much more personal for him. For me (I...

Well, my situation is a bit different because I achieved my goal and after my fiance and my relationship fell into a terrible downward spiral so I am now having to rebuild the connection that was lost because of it. Our symptom is not a lack of foreplay, but zero sex at all! It has been a...

In my situation my boyfriend lives 3 1/2 hrs away. I see him twice a month if I'm lucky (that changes Sunday!) Way back when my fiance dropped the pda boundary. Before he dropped the boundary he felt uncomfortable sitting to close to me in front of my boyfriend. Budkep and I both encouraged him...

Thank you for sharing mono. Until yesterday I was having trouble defining the connection that I am needing. Before my icky can of worms post my sexuality was purely physical. I needed to have a bond with my partner, but as soon as clothes came off my emotional wall went up. After I dropped that...