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As I read your post I knew I was going to ask you about sexual abuse, but you already answered it. I will divulge a little info about myself. Forgive me for typos. I am on my phone. I was molested by a few extremely trusted family members. When it was brought to light I was pretty much turned...

Basically I didn't say beforehand that eye contact was needed. When I felt the connection fading I would look inside and figure out what I needed to keep it. I asked him to open his eyes and I locked onto them and searched them. Instead of feeling invaded by his eyes I looked deeper and deeper...

:rolleyes: I must say he spoils. I get something rubbed every night. AND, the crazy thing is I never ever ask. He's too good to me.

Ladyjools, trust me when I tell you I know how good it feels to know that I am not alone. It was a scary thing to press the post button and now I am so happy that I have. Redpepper, You have no need to apologize. I am so happy that you have healed from whatever your experiences were. It always...

My happiness also affects my eating habits, but opposite. My natural weight is 96 lbs. (I'm short so trust me I'm not a skeloton lol) I eat a lot because I have a fast metabolism and well... I love food it makes me happy WHEN im happy. When I am not happy, I have no appetite. Food tastes like...

Really!? Do you mind telling me how you think its relevant? You see I always think my own issues are irrelevant until someone explains it to me through their eyes.

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone LR. Its very frustrating. Total blue fish tuba sometimes.

I also wanted to add that my fiance is extremely giving and rarely ever expects anything in return. His satisfaction comes from giving. So this will be extremely helpful through this process.

Actually, it has little to do with sex and more to do with emotionally vunerability. I have a very active and healthy sex life. I'm not trying to box it in. I'm trying to merge two connections together to get an even greater outcome.

That makes perfect sense. Abuse tells me I am subhuman. I am not good enough to be taken care of. Only good enough to be used for someone else's purpose. It tells me I expect too much if I think someone will love me and care not only for my body, but my spirit as well.... I could go on and on...

PS. Redpepper, I totally wanted to back out of this post when I saw the turn it was taking as I typed. Its a place I didn't want to return to, but in order to grow I must face it. Not only for myself but the people I care about. I don't want to guard myself from them. I also didn't want to post...

Redpepper, that's exactly what I want to explore. Connecting with him beforehand and trying to maintain it while being physical and if I lose that connection stop the physical part and reconnect emotionally again. I think it will take a lot of time as well, but I am excited of the possibility of...

Ceoli, I went through something similar where anyone who showed and interest in me made my stomach turn and I would lash out if someone was being to aggressive in pursuing me. I knew someone who specifically targeted small women who was in fact a child molester and with me being 5'1 and 96 lbs I...

Exactly! So this will be my focus. To face it head on and overcome the fear of being broken emotionally by someone I truly care about. I know rationally this will take some work, connecting deeply then trying to maintain that while "in the act"... but I can't help but smile because it will be a...

I think what I am encountering is a wall I have built to prevent myself from being emotionally vulnerable in such a vulnerable position physically.

So lesson number one for me through this process. Sex with someone you love does not equal being emotionally connected during sex.

I made it. While I sat there trying to sort through my thoughts it took a turn I didn't think it would take, therefore the title My icky can of worms. :o

So, I have a little time to bring up the topic of sex and how I view it. I've actually realized today that how I think I should view sex and how I actually view sex are very different and I'm starting to sort this out. It came about through messages with my fiance. I started to wonder why I...

My take on this Redpepper, is that this was a replication of love with a safety net. With the other woman knowing that this had to be treated delicately. For some the actual act of sex holds greater significance than the emotional bond that they may have for each other. So this would confront...