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Dinged, thank you... Thank you. Thank you. I hope you have a great weekend too! :)

Dinged, I have been thinking about your question all day. What if... what if... what if...? Honestly, if Julie hadn't gotten ill, and the lack of physical intimacy between them had continued, even though she did share that with another man, I believe that they would have split up eventually...

Oh, I'm unsure who called the shots before the illness. If I had to guess, it would have been Julie. Jared is very easy-going, go with the flow, keep it simple. She's more the planner, as am I. In many ways, we are very alike. So I've tried to reach out to her. But she isn't the easiest to get...

Dinged, wow. I am speechless. You have hit the nail right on the head here. I also believe that something triggered them to open their relationship. In the beginning, I believed (and was led to believe) that it was just because, after being together so long, things got complacent, stagnant...

Climber

Yikes! Lol! That caused some stir. Jared invited me to come along. They were going for 5 weeks. He asked if I could get away for a couple of those. I asked if Julie was okay with that. He said she was very much okay with it. Because of her illness, she's no longer active; she tires easily. She...

Jared had a number of very casual ladies, none that he was too emotionally attached to, until me. Julie did have someone else whom she cared for deeply, but he moved away. Occasionally she goes to visit him. My weekly time with Jared is always alone, without her. We do go out and do fun things...

Dingedheart, thank you for being my advocate here. What you stated does reflect my frustrations. It is very unbalanced, which Jared does acknowledge. Reading other threads on here, there is such a wide variation in the amount of time that people spend with their "secondaries." Some are long...

Annabel, I know that you are right. Honestly I struggle with trying to feel for more than one person at once. It's not that I can't, I do understand that people can. It's just that my tome is soooooooo limited between my kids and career, my life, that I don't have the energy or time to devote...

Nicraq, I agree. We do have a good thing. But he does want me to tell him when I'm confused, troubled, rather than bottle it up inside. So I will, carefully. I would never put him in a position to defend her, and I will always be respectful. I just hope that she offers me the same courtesy...

Hi B, Thanks for your feedback. It's interesting to hear of this from the other side. As the "secondary", I feel excluded from their lives quite often. They don't want the world to know and their reasons are valid, so I respect that. But it does suck sometimes. I have asked him if he...

Hi Annabel, He feels as if he will lose me because he assumes that even though polyamory is common, it is not the norm and because I am solo, that i would want someone of my own full time. And that means the person I choose might not be okay with me continuing to see him or that I simply...

office

nycindie, I know that you weren't. I understand where you are coming from. :) I really do like all of your comments. I get value out of every single one of them. Hijack away! I love to hear what you have to say!! :D

Nicraq, believe me, Jared and I have been around this topic more than once. He assures me that if they did manage to get that part of their relationship back, it wouldn't change what he and I have. He assures me that they started down this path while they still had an active physical...

Dragonsbyte, it's not and it won't be easy. You are new to this, as was I, and still have things to work through. We are all human and are entitled to feel the way we feel. That includes insecurities and doubt. Believe me, I can relate to every emotion you are feeling. Been there...a few...

And no... I don't feel that love should take care of everything. But I do feel that it should make us more responsible and aware of the emotions it can and will cause on occasion. He and I both need affirmation at times. And that's ok. :)

Nycyndie, thanks for your thoughts. I would tend to agree with you. But when you've never experienced Love, as in Romantic Love, it's far from over-rated. Its a beautiful thing. I have children and family and feel that love, but this is different. I was married to my childhood sweetheart...

Dingedheart, yes and no. I initially began this thread several months ago. Since then, some things have changed. We have communicated more and resolved quite a bit. Jared doesn't treat me that way, no. But I am a secret from the majority of those they socialize with. His parents and brother...

Hi Papergrace. Yes, we have been focusing on other things. It's probably why we have lasted as long as we have. Sex is sex, and although it's wonderful, it's not sustainable to carry a relationship based on that aspect alone. We do have a wonderful time together. We share many interests, laugh...