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I know. Thanks. I feel like all if it is my fault. It's not. But I still feel that way. I feel hammered and beaten, and yet strangely relieved. Sadly, most of our (mine and B's) close friends know J, and think I'm the evil one here. They ask, "Why can't I give J up and make B happy?" It's...

J is lonely and has no primary. The best I could do for him as a married woman long distance was be there part time, not full time, as he wants. He knew this, and part of our goal was to find him a primary. As things with B deteriorated, J ramped up his behavior (seeking me out more and more...

That's what I'm hoping, and what he thinks. Thankfully he can stay at his folks' house, at least through April, to figure out things. We are talking often. We've set up Tuesday lunch dates so we can talk and work on the marriage. He's offered to stay with my dogs when I go to visit J, which is...

Thanks for the post. I'm not sure how to take it, but I feel like the bad guy here. I feel like the selfish one, being that I can't deny my feelings to keep my spouse happy. Even my MIL, who was told the whole story by my DH, sees my POV, and is not taking sides. B (my DH) and I are talking a...

Thank you, Indie. I am in therapy, and it's not my first shot at it. He just started on his own for the first time ever. I see him now for being that manipulative, angry man that hates himself. I can't fix that. I realize that while I did not leave DH for J, and had DH dealt with the...

UPDATE: My DH moved out last night, saying, "You can't love two people." I said, "I can and I do." DH said, "Well, I can't." J and I tried to explain this to him. J told him, "I can easily understand how she can love two people. I can love more than one." So J clearly is on board with this. He...

Thanks. What I have now is two men "sucking it up," so to speak. They are taking what I can give. How sad for all of us. I think J could be poly in actuality, but he's just so lonely right now. As for my name, I needed something other than what I normally use to make me not searchable, and I...

Idlovetwo, you and I are are in the exact same boat. My husband, whom I love and adore, cannot deal with my wanting to be with J. He and I went into our marriage (his first, my third) as swingers. We've morphed into poly because it's what I want and need. And like Mahogany, I fear that my...

Ah, if only it were logical. I am not Mr Spock, sadly. I think I am going to let the choice be made. I am going to choose not to choose at this point. J never set out to be a cowboy. DH never set out to be poly. I never thought I was, but clearly I am. I think if J had a primary he could do...

It's not easy right now. I feel like Stretch Armstrong. It's not working for DH. And J, well, he's taking what we can get, and letting me lead the way. He wants someone to come home to, and I can't be that person, even if I were not married to DH. We live in different states. I can't move. He...

Well, I can. But they can't handle it. I love my DH. I love J. Both DH and J have said they love me, and NEITHER wants to share. Damn it all to hell. I can do this and they can't.

How surreal this morning was for us. B is packing for a weekend with J4. He needed to take his pillows. He was rushing this morning and nearly forgot them, so I'm reminding him. :cool: I packed because I'm going up to see J again this weekend. Our relationship has escalated really fast, and...

Oh, we have had sex already, more than once. Just this weekend it never worked out to have intercourse.

I know! I KNOW! I KNOW! And I have nothing to say. The truth is, J and I are barely sexual. We are more about the cuddling. We never even had sex while I was there this weekend.

My head hurts... I spent the entire weekend with J. Our relationship is changing. My two new favorite movies have to be "No Strings Attached" and "It's Complicated." They pretty much describe my life right now. J brought up the concept of poly at dinner Saturday night. We were both straight...

The one-time thing was addressed. He starts therapy next week. He called and made the appointment himself. He was told if he ever lays his hand on me again in anger (even to flip me over in bed) that he's gone forever. He agrees. He feels he should be arrested and punished for doing what he...

Actually, no. I was being quite serious. You guys have no clue the baggage I carry around. I know myself quite well. Therapy from age 9 till past age 40, several psych ward hospitalizations, a degree in psych myself. As for putting up with the bullshit of others, I have my limits. J is...

And I'm such a prize myself!

The other night he was in my face. I turned my back to him in bed and he flipped me over on my back by my shoulder. It's the first time he laid his hands on me in anger in 8 years together.

Indie and Mono, thanks. GREAT advice. And I think I can do that. I think I have to, really. And while I'm ok with B leaving me if he has to, I doubt he will. I think I have no choice. B has made an appointment with the therapist. He sees her on the 24th. She is already seeing me about WLS...