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it's easy to be confused in my life, Redpepper. ;) He is going with this friend (he only sees her as a friend, not a lover) to help her drop off a horse. They had no plans to get a room to sleep in. I found out last night that I misunderstood what was happening. They will nap in her truck when...

WOW! You so get it! We talked more... and more and more and more... Lots of pain on both ends. He really is afraid that J will try to take me away from him. He asked me to promise that if J ever tried to take me away from him, to end the relationship. It was an easy promise to make, because...

That's what I want to do. I plan to call him every few hours (except sleep time). J also has to learn that my time with him is only when B is doing other things, and B still has contact with me. But watching my B hurt so badly is like a knife in my heart. BTW, I might have to add that both of...

Well I got home. We talked. It's not going well. He says I should go and do it, but that he is not happy, and he won't be happy, and he's very sure I am going to leave him for J. I really feel bad here. I really feel that he's being unfair. It's ok for him to go away with a friend for an...

Well I told him, just like you suggested. He's not excited for me, but he's okay with it. I wish he was not so sad about this.

WOW. Awesome information, and great advice. Last minute plans with J never work. In fact, he said this is so last minute. Our first date was planned for January 8th. DH knew about that and was okay with it. I never ever thought J would be free, hence not mentioning it to hubby. But I should...

That is a given.

I need advice on how to tell hubby I'm going to see the new guy. Hi all. Well, my life continues to be up and down... and interesting. Here's the latest. My husband asked me last night if I minded if he went on an overnight trip with our friend C. I don't mind him going with C and told him to...

And that, my dear Redpepper, is one of the best things I've heard. I guess I do tend to rush things... Slowly, ever so slowly... I found your thread on merging and it did help! You are very very kind and helpful and I truly appreciate it.

I think the thread on merging would be good. I will try to find it. It's the emotional component that's wrecking my husband. His stability and his comfort are sorely challenged at this point. What has led me here is that I have started to have feelings for J, feelings that I did not expect...

I think what I'm still struggling with is the concept that other people have that much impact on our couple rules. I know that sounds horrible and unfair, but I think that's where I am. Honesty is a big part of me, so I have to be honest here. I never considered how other people would be able to...

you are so wise... your posts help me so... Flamekat.. all I gots for you darling are hugs... I think if B told me to cut all contact with J I would be very very angry... and sad.... and Yet I would get it... on so many levels... right now I hurt for both of us struggling to make the men...

Ok, let me try. I can say that I have rules. The problem is that hubby and I made them a while ago. But that we've changed them. So since we managed to change them, I guess they are boundaries, based on your definition. For example, we had a rule early on of NO KISSING. That changed to NO DEEP...

Redpepper I read it, TWICE. I will read it again. It still leaves me confused. Not your fault. It's my limitations. Lately my head is swimming.

Soundtrack from Godspell...

welcome from one confused Newbie to another

oh I'll play: # First thing you wash in the shower? face # What color is your favorite hoodie? I do not own a hoodie # Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yes # How are you feeling RIGHT now? warm # Tell me about the last dream you remember having? wow.. can't recall.. # What are...

I know this is an older thread, but I'd love to resurrect it. Struggling now with rules vs boundaries. Can't quite figure out the difference. Hubby and I have our rules, but they've morphed over our 8-yr relationship (married 6). For example, when we started out swinging there was NO KISSING...

I get the feeling even if I've never been in the situation... I don't know what to tell you but my gut thinks you need to talk to them about it and not keep it to yourself.

Interesting. I guess I need to clearly define my boundaries. I am more of a wing it kind of girl... I think I OVER reacted to what J said and I think that J is trying to deal with this whole thing.. he has very few prior relationships, He knew I was married but I don't think he's ever given...