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Thanks GG! You are always most helpful. we made a couples therapy appointment ot see if we still work

money My previous post got me thinking. Money is such a harbinger of evil...or at least bad thoughts and hard feelings? My financial situation is hard. I make decent money, live in a decent house in a decent town...but since I am the only income I cant really afford heating oil, dentist...

Thursday. (after replying to you wonderful ladies). J was miserable this AM...talking about how there was no "we" anymore, and no "household stuff" despite my pointing out we have to live together for quite some time (he doesn't work). Every time we talk the guilt is over whelming...he wants...

LR, you hit the nail on the head here. The last year of metamour life was with his wife. I tried very hard to make friends, to have a partnership around the man we both loved and it just crashed and burned until I stopped trying. On top of that, I watched her treat him like shit and dealt with...

in part, fear of losing him. also just really dislike the idea of him with someone else. it makes me feel uncomfortable and upset. Out of curiosity, do Woof and Mitch date other women? I think I just suck at being a metamour. and sharing. lol

I suppose, the connection you describe...having an intimate, romantic, sexual, etc. connection with X....scares the crap out of me. (I never got used to his wife and they split up a year after we started dating)

Gotcha :) I suppose that's how we used to be....though now it looks like we will get whole and completely divorced :/ Im glad your two loves is working out for you :)

Thanks for the response :) D never wanted kids, so I don't think we'll have to have that discussion. I hope this pregnancy continues swimmingly!! As for me, yeah big change. all very weird. If you don't mind me asking...you and Woof are legally divorced, but are you romantically involved...

I really appreciate the recent posts and will reply to you guys later on :) At the moment I just need to blog some things out...its a bit therapeutic to halt my work and write about the thoughts tumbling around my head. Ah anxiety, I never realized my tendency to obsess on things and my...

SlowPoly, I am really enjoying your writing. Best wishes on the pregnancy! I have had three myself and those early months are so hard. I wouldn't have another with D. though, hats off to you ;)

Had a really wonderful talk with D. about what we both want, what I need from mono and what he needs from poly. amazing want trying to communicate well can do. Basically, he agreed to hierarchical poly, which is what I can be comfortable with right now. im an alpha dog kinda girl, not sure...

I hear you. the board is a nice place to find commiseration as well as different view points

i could stand to lose 20 lbs....lol. He has been there, in big ways...when my beloved grandfather died, when my daughter was in the hospital...I know he cares, he loves me. But when the poly nerve trigger hits he's defensive and off putting...last night he told me that he fears my monagomy...

right now....just looking at the word "polyamory" gives me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. So when D says it...or exclaims joy of it...my anxiety is hit with a gigantic emotional trigger.

Thanks YAH :) I know its what im doing too...I want to fill that void of "life partner" "someone to come home to" and it scares the hell out of D, and his being scared makes me insecure and needy. its a vicious cycle.

I hear you BB. I think this is me now...YouAreHere made a beautiful analogy of mono love like that being like a pendulum.

I am not polyamorous. After a year of staunchly insisting I was, reading the books, the website, convincing the spouse there you have it. I am not poly. I keep rolling the words around on my tongue and then facing repercussions of my boyfriend knowing its true. Last year, I spent six months...

Well best of luck to you! I could see myself MAYBE being someone open but poly just doesn't work for me...I cant balance all the emotions and really I have a tendency to be so deeply into someone I can not do that to more than one.

Well good luck with your tress, and thank you!!! this was most helpful.

Great point LR. OP< I actually just started a book called "Anxious in Love" ( I have general anxiety disorder) and its incredibly helpful