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Thanks for your post today YAH. I always enjoy your posts and answers. I just stumbled upon your blog as my life seems to headed into a poly/mono land and its freaking me a bit. My BF and I (both divorcing, ugh) started as poly...as secondaries...really I did it for him (long story) and was...

Huh. Now im curious what dodgy monogamy is. But I agree with SP...flesh this out. All else I'd say OP, is try not to compare people to each other, it doesn't go well. try to assume positive intent, and ask questions

So without reading the pages and pages and pages....are you saying you turned to mono? Im currently getting divorced...as is my partner (we were secondaries)....but he wants to stay poly, I don't. I don't believe in it for ME much at all anymore.

What?

Well for one...youre feelings are yours, go ahead and own them. I hate my boyfriend dating.. the idea of it turns my stomach. Am I jealous? am I afraid of losing him? its actually much more complicated....but that's me. Anyway my point is, discover for yourself where your feelings come from...

I'm not sure I buy into the whole 'hard wired' thing in either direction...mono or poly. When I went poly I was 100% sure it was who I WAS that I needed it to be me...I did research, I did soul searching, I looked at my history...and informed my spouse. He had a similar reaction, but we did...

Thanks SP. This was my view too and I am slowly and carefully broaching ti with him. Hubs has always liked BF, they were good friends and BF is wonderful with our kids. Hubs has always trusted him to be part of their lives for the last year. So I think if he were to put up boundries now for...

Thanks LR, this is pretty much what im thinking (and thanks to the other responses too). I am certainly not going to look for anyone else, honestly right now I don't want anything else. BF and I decided to keep things easy, but still be romantically involved. it is very hard on both of us to...

Thanks both of you! :) If I wasn't already very much in love with my BF, I wouldn't date for quite some time. But we';ve been together a year and a half, and my kids know and love him. I suppose it is some up to X if he'[s around kids or not? BF is going through this too, and taking it much...

So if any of you fair readers recall my earlier posts, my marriage wasn't going well. AS of late I've been on a "break" from both my husband and boyfriend. My husband and I are headed for divorce and one of his big issues right now is my still loving my boyfriend and not him. My question is...

I;m not in a M/S situation so I can not relate to that, but its always nice to here responses from all kinds of people (far from vanilla btw, not that it matters). I'm just going to share my story with you, take from it what you will or chalk it up to being entirely unrelated I went through...

Thank you for this, more so than myself...I think Nudge will go through a lot of that and I need to give him time and space...but hope to be together. THanks Bookbug too, I know you know what yorue talkin bout! So yeah, I am focusing on me. No one else can love you if you don't love...

thanks KDT. broke up with Nudge and still separated from J. So right now, its time to figure out me. haven't done that in about 18 years without a man, so should be interesting.

I know LR, I'm not doubting it I guess I've just realized its not for me. I cant play second fiddle.

We see each other twice a week, sometimes on weekends too. We spend time with the kids, took them out recently. J. is on board with how I feel about poly...whether its with me or someone else probably have some degree of openness but not full blow poly (ie. loving more than one). Nudge;s...

Good for you, I applaud you for going to therapy early. Im a year in after going poly with the husband and this are really not good. we are also taking a break, not intimate, also not sleeping in the same bed. we haven't don't couples counseling yet. he needs to figure himself out, I am...

I;m with you dag. his words, and I quote "my idea of happiness is not being a suburban stepfather" so. there you go. I was a lady with no kids, I'd only have the wife to worry about. But its really trifold....he wont leave the marriage, wants to be strictly poly, and doesn't want kids except...

correct, super want to keep the guy around. It is going to take great patience, no I don't possess it. lol. suppose I better start working on it.

The urge isn't deep down, its pretty on the surface lol. Nudge knows....he knows his marriage wont be fixed, Im not sure about mine. But would I take just him?> yes. if it'd work. but there are so many factors...he doesn't want to live with kids...im in no position to leave my spouse (financial...

Thanks :) lots of conflicts with the editors, she vilified me to the readers once and I was pretty much done after that. I miss it some.