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You're welcome. I'm glad my post was helpful. (And no, I didn't get a cheeseburger after I wrote it... but I really, really wanted one. LOL) I'm far from normal, but I've been in a similar situation. Not as an ongoing thing, but at one point I asked my boyfriend to do a specific sexual thing...

I know someone who is in a sexless marriage--if I've understood right, it has been that way all along due to some medical issues on the spouse's part--and has no intention of ending it. They consider their spouse to be their best friend and have no desire to leave them, but also, they're from a...

On the subject of desire and attachment... Desire is a normal human thing. There is nothing inherently wrong with desiring something. It becomes a problem if the desire becomes an obsession, or if you're overly attached to the results. For example, let's say I desire a cheeseburger. A...

I'll also note that although you say people on swinger sites only want sex, all but two of my longer-term relationships over the past 11 years (including my marriage) have been with people I met on AdultFriendFinder, which bills itself as a swinger site. And of the two exceptions, I met one of...

He has the right to keep that information to himself and to refuse to "dig deeper," but you have the right to want to know and to ask. You aren't pushing him or trying to force him to answer, you're just asking. Unfortunately, if he continues to refuse to answer, you can't make him. All you...

I'm not sure how my last entry posted twice. If an admin/mod reads this, could you please delete the duplicate? My date with Tie Guy yesterday was great. Even though we've been on and off for two years, we had never gotten any more physical than a kiss, because I was never comfortable enough...

I'm polyamorous, but I'm married to a monogamous guy. Obviously I'm not in his brain, so I can't totally give his perspective, but he and I have talked a lot about how he sees the situation. So if you have any specific questions or concerns, I'm happy to try to answer.

River, I'm quoting your post in bits and pieces to help organize my thoughts a little better, not to exactly call you out, though I am going to respond directly to a couple of things you said. *Your* point of view is that some things are basically sacred. Not everyone shares that point of...

I disagree with you that sex without intimacy is automatically dissociation. For some people, sex is simply a leisure or recreational activity, at least some of the time. For example, people who go to a swinger's club with the sole intention being to get laid. "Getting laid," like "fucking," to...

I didn't take it as a criticism at all, simply as what it is: you stating that the way I (and some others) view sex doesn't make sense to you. That isn't something to take personally. I'm glad you moved the discussion over to this thread so it isn't derailing the other thread any further.

The first definition in the bit Kevin quoted is where I'm coming from. I *don't* necessarily feel close or open to someone I'm having sex with. Admittedly, I tend to keep myself fairly walled off emotionally, and as I said in the other thread this morning, I don't often experience strong...

Kudos for doing the emotional work to unpack all of this. My response to the idea of prioritizing someone else's sexual pleasure is... No. I prioritize *my* sexual pleasure, and expect *them* to prioritize theirs. That doesn't mean we don't discuss likes and dislikes, and it DEFINITELY doesn't...

Different people, different ways of connecting with others. I generally do not easily form emotional connections or attachments to people. There are people in my life who I consider friends who I sometimes forget even exist, because I don't have a strong enough connection to sustain the emotions...

I'm 48, and I haven't had the same experience as you. In the local poly group I belong to, people range in age from their 20s through their 60s, and there doesn't seem to be a predominance of the younger people. On the dating sites I belong to, I've had no problems finding people around my age...

To be blunt, I don't think it's possible to get your needs met by someone who isn't interested in meeting your needs. On the one hand, one of the advantages of poly is that if you're poly, you could keep this relationship with her and find someone else to meet the needs she isn't meeting. On the...

One of the guys I played with at my friend's house party has expressed an interest in seeing me on an ongoing basis. It wouldn't be a *frequent* basis, because he lives about 2 hours away from me, and he and his wife have the same "no other partners at home" policy that Hubby and I have, so...

One of the guys I played with at my friend's house party has expressed an interest in seeing me on an ongoing basis. It wouldn't be a *frequent* basis, because he lives about 2 hours away from me, and he and his wife have the same "no other partners at home" policy that Hubby and I have, so...

I've always found making friends to be difficult, because there are some aspects of social interactions that either I had to be taught while they seemed obvious to everyone else, or that didn't make enough sense to me to be able to implement them. As a kid, I was the "weird" one, the one who was...

I'm confused. You say you and your paramour have broken up, but the rest of your post implies that you and he are still together. If you've broken up and are trying to be friends, then you and he are no longer in a relationship. If you and he are no longer in a relationship--and some would say...

Loving someone does NOT mean giving up who you are in order to please them. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to be who *they* are. Sometimes that means accepting something about them that is uncomfortable for you; sometimes it means accepting that you and they aren't compatible and...