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I've been doing a LOT of work the past couple of weeks on the stuff from my past that came up the day after I went to the club. Trauma recovery work, mostly, but I've also realized some things about myself that I really need to change. I wasn't very happy with myself about them, but having...

One thing that stands out to me is the bit I put in bold print above. You *imagine* that is people's reaction. But you don't *know*, because you aren't in their brains and you can't predict the future. Some people might react that way, but some people probably won't. DID does show up in TV...

I understand other people's logic in recommending you wait until a second date (or longer) to tell someone about your DID, but I disagree. Personally, if someone had anything that affects who they are and might affect me as their partner, and they didn't tell me about it up front, I would feel...

I'm poly. My husband is monogamous. (So were the first two guys with whom I had relationships after I started doing poly, but neither of them is in my life at this point.) I'm fortunate in that Hubby is extremely self-contained. He prefers not interacting with people--including me, at times--and...

The only justifiable thing your husband and your meta did was him staying at her house when he got drunk, since driving under the influence is never a good idea, not to mention being against the law. Some people might say that you had no business going through your husband's messages, that he...

I see that you've concluded his behavior wasn't abusive, and that's fine. I just wanted to correct an implied misperception in the above quote from your post, though. Abuse doesn't mean the abuser had bad intentions. Many--perhaps most--don't. They get out of control, or they don't have healthy...

I'm sorry the guy responded so poorly when you told him you couldn't continue the connection. Fortunately for you, it sounds like he realized he was out of line and apologized. That is the risk of talking to people online. Sometimes even if it's just a brief exchange of "Hi, want to talk?" "No...

In my opinion, and this is a matter of semantics, "positive harm" is a contradiction in terms. If something is harmful, it causes damage to someone, either physically or emotionally, or sometimes both. Damage is not positive. S&M can cause positive *hurt*; it's painful, but it's consensual...

Have you told him that you aren't in the space to have another relationship right now, but would like to keep your connection? If not, I would suggest having that conversation with him first. Then, if he agrees that a friend-only connection is acceptable, offer the possibility of being friendly...

So I went to that club I mentioned in my last post... and it was a very not-good thing. I was fine standing outside talking to my friend and his partner, and a few other people, including a couple who I'd encountered at the other club. So going in, I knew a few people. But when I got inside, it...

My husband and I might be in the "first few years" category, since we opened in spring 2013. I don't foresee the marriage ending because of poly--then again, who does?--but I'm aware we're an exception rather than the rule. Some of the things that I think helps us work in a poly situation: 1...

I'm glad something I said resonated for you. As for knowing about things but not being able to see it when you're in it... I have a degree in education, and my college education included a fair bit of psychology studies. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage for 14 years. Even though I knew...

What I'm seeing in your post is that this guy engaged in manipulation, gaslighting, and minimizing, and it sounds like he knew what he was doing and did it deliberately. He took advantage of your lack of experience to convince you that his behavior was acceptable, and personally I think he took...

I'm fortunate to live very near a progressive city, so I haven't had any issues with therapists (or any other health-care professionals of any kind) being negative about polyamory. At worst, they were simply ignorant about it, and were happy to learn more in order to be able to effectively treat...

I deal with major depression. The things you say your wife says ("I'm a horrible person", "You deserve better") are word-for-word things I've said to my husband and all but one of the other partners I've had over the past few years. The thing is--and I realize this myself and have been working...

We opened up a monogamous marriage. It was my husband's idea, but for my benefit; we had some incompatibilities that we couldn't find a compromise on, so he suggested I see other guys to get what I needed/wanted. We never dated the same person; since we're both straight, that would have been...

I recently had to make a decision about getting involved with someone who, in terms of personality, kink interests, and sexual chemistry (perceived, not experienced), is almost EXACTLY what I'm looking for in a partner. What held me back was that he told me his wife doesn't know that he sees...

Continued... You're a human being. You have the right to ask to have your needs met. If you were in a mono relationship, would you be wondering whether you've been in it long enough to state your needs? If not, why would you wonder it in a poly relationship? There is no difference as far as...

First, while I see that you're saying you don't mean to brag, and you consider your looks, success, etc. to be relevant to the situation here, I can understand why some people responding are focusing on this. Even if you didn't *intend* it as bragging, it does come across that way, as if you're...

"Don't Stop Believing" featured heavily in the TV show Glee, mostly in the first season and the final episode or two of the series, though I think it showed up during other seasons as well. Even though Glee's been off the air a while now, I think the song is familiar to kids and teens at least...