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Oh.. and not "blame," but you ARE responsible for your emotions. You ARE responsible for viewing a partner as "less" if she has sexual interactions with another guy. You ARE responsible for refusing to consider other alternatives and for refusing to do any work on *yourself* around this...

Wow... Okay, I'm not sure exactly how to respond to this, so apologies in advance if I come across harshly. It sounds like as far as you're concerned, if "your" woman has anything to do with another guy physically/sexually, she's damaged goods and you want nothing further to do with her. That...

What is it about her having sex/relationships with other guys that you find more threatening than her having sex/relationships with other girls? How would her sexually interacting with a penis be any different than her sexually interacting with a vagina, as far as emotions and the fact that it's...

This is how my relationship with my boyfriend works in some ways. For example, I tell him details* about other relationships/other guys, either because it's something I want to share, because I need to vent, or because I want his advice. This is something he's agreed to, in part because he seems...

As I understand it--and honestly, you've probably done more research than I have--the only test that's even close to reliable for either strain of HSV is a blood test, and even that has a relatively high rate of false results. I'm not aware of any clinics that screen for it as a matter of...

In my opinion, it is better for your wife to heal her wounds *before* you become involved with someone else. It sounds like your wife wants to please you and wants you to be happy, but it also sounds like she has a history where she might have learned that the woman always has to sacrifice...

My husband is monogamous; I'm poly, currently with only one other partner but I'm sort of starting to date again. (I just broke up with a partner, so I'm not looking too hard yet for another.) Hubby hasn't really had any issues with me being poly, but then again, he is an extremely...

I could date someone an hour or so away, because time is relative in my area. (I'm in the same general metropolitan area as Mags, though a different part of that area.) Since I moved last summer, my boyfriend's house is about 25 miles away, but it can take me up to an hour to get there depending...

I'm feeling sad today. The guilt of not really discussing things with Facets got to me, so I reached out over the weekend and told him that I needed to talk to him. Part of me was hoping we could fix things--I do still care about him, despite everything--but mostly I just wanted closure instead...

What is it you think you might be missing? If she has explained what the "sabbatical" means to her, and you're in agreement that it would be good for her, and you're okay with her being away for that amount of time, where's the problem? I don't mean this to sound harsh, but it almost seems like...

I wouldn't consider what you said to be an ultimatum. Like Galagirl said, an ultimatum would be "Do this or else." You gave Ponytail a *choice* and a boundary: "If you're my submissive, I don't feel that I can allow you to see other people. Would you rather continue as my submissive and be...

"Your place"? I'm not sure what that means to you. Your place is in a relationship in which you feel respected, valued, and heard. It's important to note that even in a triad, there is not just one relationship. There's you and her, you and him, him and her, and the three of you. It sounds like...

I have to admit that sometimes I do want to be "best" or "first" in my partners' lives. This has absolutely everything to do with my own PTSD and mental health issues, which cause me to constantly believe I'm not enough and to fear abandonment. The emotionally wounded parts of my brain are...

I believe that for some, myself included, polyamory is a hard-wired romantic orientation. (Whether romantic attraction even is an orientation is sometimes debated, but given that people say things like "I'm asexual but heteroromantic" or "I'm aromantic," I would say romantic orientation is a...

I set a boundary with my partners that if they lie to me or deliberately withhold information that affects me or that falls under an agreement we've made, I will end the relationship. I have also agreed to be completely open and honest with them, though none of them have set a similar boundary...

I wouldn't automatically say that someone who says they're poly-accepting but then turn out not to be is *lying*. That's one possibility, but it's also possible that when they said they were poly-accepting, they genuinely believed that to be the case, and then realized later on that they...

To answer your questions: 1. I definitely don't think jealousy triggers and infidelity fears are entirely the same thing, though there would certainly seem to be some overlap. As I said above, I fear abandonment. That is the root of what some would call jealousy on my part, though I identify it...

Thanks. Since Facets got back from his disappearing act, he hasn't exactly ghosted me, because he does answer my texts. He just hasn't been answering them in as timely a manner as I need him to, and often not until I nudge him. (To be fair, I know several people who sometimes need nudges to...

1. I cheated on my husband once, on one occasion, before we were even engaged, because I reconnected with a guy I'd had intense sexual chemistry with and we found that chemistry was still there, and even more intense. It didn't progress all the way to intercourse, but it could have. I did try to...

I'm sorry you're struggling with this right now. It sounds like your husband agreed to you seeing other people, but it wasn't an enthusiastic agreement, and now that he's seen the potential for drama and for you getting hurt, he doesn't want to deal with it. One minor thing that stood out in...