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Your thinking sounds very level headed, reasonable and intelligent. I don't think he is capable of being the honest, expressive, boundary respecting person you want him to be right now. Yes, he is the person who "knows the most" about how long his process of healing will take him, but that does...

Yes, and he wanted someone to take care of, control, or both Finding out who you are is your next adventure. Do this before getting involved with others and poly will be easier - maybe much easier.

The issue here is not poly or even OPP, but both of these ARE turning your attention toward the real issue. You have problems in your marriage. You've grown up a bit since you were first married. Your marriage is not welcoming or accomodating the personal growth you've achieved. It sounds to me...

Could you go into more detail about your marriage? It may be helpful to myself and others to hear more about the issues and good times you've had in your marriage.

The question I think you are asking is: Why is society not flexible enough to allow the people it is trying to serve to do everything they want to do? My answer to that begins in the courts. The courts are where people who are fighting tend to go to settle their differences. In this world...

The best way to meet people is to focus on doing things you enjoy doing, and meet the people who appear in your life as you do those things. It may also be a good idea to not focus so much on gender. Get to know people for who they are. People you initially meet will know others. Those others...

Sounds like there is a lot of confusion between the two of you right now. In your post, you said you want to clear things up, and you want to start to do that the moment she arrives for the weekend. That's great. Tell her everything you feel and ask her how she feels about everything. I would...

I got it. I understand what is going on with you. Have you ever been to a movie or watched a play? You know there is a lead actor who plays the lead role, and a lot of people around that actor who play supporting roles. The people who play supporting roles are there to enhance what the lead...

You walk towards (stay with) someone who lies and cheats on you. Why? Please answer this question directly and honestly.

Go back and read replies 21 - 24. Answer those questions directly and honestly. Then tell me what "Wanted to reply with a non reply" is all about.

Sounds like you're thinking about actually talking about this. I'll check back later to see if you really are ready to talk. I have been thinking about our exchange. Just in case you decide not to come back to this thread, I want to point out something I think is interesting. Maybe if I point...

These are your words from reply #17. If you are not walking toward her, what does this mean? Tell me more about burning the bridge. The more detail you give, the better the chance I will be able to help. Answer both questions. Don't skip the first question and jump to the second question.

Ok, I may now have some of your attention. I know this is hard work. Stay with me on this. I know (that you know) when I asked you why you walk towards, I was asking you why you walk towards someone who lies to you and cheats on you. Your answer to me only makes sense if you twist my question...

Facing her is a waste of time. How many years? You are still missing the point. It's time to face yourself, and ask all the questions. There are a lot of dishonest people in this world. They may be the toll taker, the construction worker, the guy who lives 5 doors down from me, the airplane...

I read your story, and I have a few things to say. My impression of you, after reading your story, is it takes a little bit of work to get you to listen to what someone is telling you. I will talk more about that in my words below. I want you to listen to me, so I am going to be blunt with all...

You know what's going on now. You know what her limits are. That's a good thing. Now it's up to you to decide what your priorities are. Keep it that simple, because it is that simple. There are some very important things you need to remember. Her experience was an extreme trauma. You did not...

Very true. Smoking is done deliberately. It will do the trick too. Or an open palm strike to the underside of the nose with precision guided force gained from practice on padded gym equipment. Never actually did it before on someone, but I know what force is required if I have to. Don't need to...

You sound very dedicated to her. I hope that dedication comes with enough wisdom to steer the ship in a good direction. That means if your dedication comes entirely from a feeling of owing her for how she helped you, instead of a feeling of love for her, I hope you understand all debts are...

Thank you for explaining all that. First, the violence is unacceptable behavior. She has no right to put others in danger. Her ability to do that needs to be stopped. Looking past that for a moment as you asked, I noticed you said you were considering helping her heal. I am going to tell you...

All of this is very generic. You are talking around the real issues (you are avoiding them), which is something you contribute to the problems between the two of you. This is what I see so far: You tell her you don't like something that is going on. She receives that information from you as...