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I know you think the real issue is with poly. It's not. The real issue is something else that exists exclusively between you and your wife. Poly is just magnifying it. Ok. I understand. This fact is not going to help you resolve the real issue, because the real issue is something that occurs...

You are were happy with your outside relationship. She was not happy with your outside relationship. You two fought over that. She is happy with her outside relationship. You are not happy with her outside relationship. You two are fighting over that. The words I just wrote are the symptoms of...

I know this is a very old thread, and the people involved have probably moved on. I am assuming StichwitchD is not reading this thread, because none of her replies are recent. I will just make a general comment. Human nature can be really funny. As I was reading it, my eye caught something. The...

Your relationship with your husband is changing, because this woman is now coming into it. His experience of who he is is changing because she is now giving him a lot of attention. He is responding to this by changing the way he gives you attention. Your feelings are one of the ways you are...

I don't know yet. For now, let's drop the fancy terms like addiction and codependence. You're pretty deep inside this issue, and it makes it hard for you (and I) to see what it looks like from the outside. Go back to the top of this thread and carefully reread what you wrote initially. Then...

Exactly. They each take turns being the addict and the codependent once per go around. It's a repeating self propelled cycle.

You both are insecure about something. Your insecurities magnify his insecurities and vice versa. That means each time you do something because you are insecure, he sees you doing it. When he sees you doing it, he has the experience of feeling his own insecurities even more intensely than he did...

Hi katja24, It sounds to me like what you're saying is: "This is my relationship situation right now. What do you think is going on?" One thing steps out front and center. Your boyfriend chooses women who trigger your fears. The reason I point this out to you (other than the fact that I see...

You say he only sees value in new people. It could be an addiction to sex, or an addiction to getting new attention. You can't change him or make him change. Whatever it is, either he needs to address it now, or you need to get out of this relationship. These are the only healthy options I see.

What is he doing that is aggressive? Is he willing to look at himself and figure out why he needs shiny and new all the time? If he is not willing to address his issue, then the only option you have is to assume he is going to stay exactly the way he is. Then, you have to decide for yourself...

I now see what's going on. Charles, I ask you to read every word I type, because it is all meant to try to help you. I am being sincere with every keyboard character I type. You have an arrogant, self righteous attitude. I'll call this your asa for short. You fell in love. Your asa told you it...

charles, I just read what GalaGirl wrote. I couldn't have said it any better, even if I spent the next hour trying to. I will add my own short, blunt 2 cents. You lied, cheated and betrayed your wife. By doing that you created a mess. Now, you're complaining about that mess, and trying really...

I agree with everything WhatHappened said. I have a more blunt way to say it. You have a mess. The most courageous and loving thing you can do is go back to your wife exclusively, and work things out as best you can through honesty and open communication with her. Once you know what kind of...

I'm going to give you my opinion. Please understand this is only my opinion. These are the words of someone who wants out of your marriage. Her stubbornness, pushiness and plain lack of interest in the pace of moving to poly that your marriage can handle indicate this. My guess is she has...

I applaud the courage you have looking at yourself like this. I hope you keep working at it until you find your core fear. I grabbed the most revealing line in your reply: Another way of saying this is you need to make sure someone else likes, wants and needs you before you are able to like...

I like this advice. It sounds to me like you are in a constant state of reaction to everything that's happening. You also have some push pull going on. I would suggest you back away from it all long enough to check in with yourself to see if you still want any of this.

What is the situation she presented?

It sounds to me like neither of you know how to really talk to each other. Unresolved stuff builds up. It reaches a certain threshold, then both of you react to this threshold being reached by doing destructive things. It's time to learn to talk to each other. You can talk to him about your...

I'm glad I could help.

Time to breathe........... follow my lead........ your attention seems to be somewhere "way out there". Bring your attention back to yourself. Keep breathing.......... bring your attention back to your center and feel whatever it is your feeling. We all tend to stop breathing when we get...