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Hi mv1976, I read your very sincere and articulate reply yesterday. As I was reading it, I got the feeling I should wait until now to reply. I didn't know why. I honored that feeling. I now know why. I was just sitting down at the computer getting ready to answer your "how are we incompatible?"...

Good Also, make sure your husband knows its his job to address all of your concerns as they come up. It important that he understand only he has the power to prevent any dramas that develop between himself and his new girlfriend from coming into the relationship he has with you. If he has good...

It sounds like this woman could bring some drama into your life. I just wanted to point that out without going into depth about it. Be aware of the possibility, and talk to your husband about it immediately if she does something that concerns you. Make sure you tell your husband this, then let...

I agree with everything AutumnalTone said. I'll add a couple of things. The story you told has a lot of drama in it. I think that drama is caused by several things: (1)You're not really sure (yet) what kind of relationship(s) you want. You've spent your past relationships exploring this...

Hi sparklepop, To summarize what I think I read: Your gf is your priority, so you generally back away from your other love interests when she wants you too. That has sometimes been painful for you. Your gf doesn't like to talk about her pain and fears very much, she just likes to react to them...

The lesson you're learning is to not give yourself away to others like you've been doing. Stay with them if you need to (if you really don't have anywhere else to go), but begin the work of emotionally moving on while you're staying with them. Build a solid foundation for yourself while staying...

It sounds to me like she doesn't have the skills to talk about her feelings in a deliberate, open and honest way. That aggravates relationship problems instead of solving them. Backing away from her sounds like the right thing to do for yourself.

I would let them go and move on with your life. I don't know whether he is manipulating you, or he just sincerely doesn't know what he wants. The answer to that question really doesn't matter, because it doesn't sound like they are offering you anything meaningful, sincere or supportive. My...

That's quite a history between you too. If someone asked me to quickly summarize what I just read, it would go like this: He does what he wants to, when he wants to, how he wants to. You put up with it, hoping hour by hour, day by day that he will change. He pressures and threatens you...

I basically said goodbye on my last reply because I thought you were getting defensive. I didn't want to argue. I come here to try to help. I can't help someone who is defensive. It also just not fun talking to someone who is defensive. You seemed to have backed off that. I appreciate your...

I'm going to say a few more things, then I'm going to move on. I know your going to live the way you see fit. Part of that way seems to be your casual attitude about drugs. In my opinion poly is a different subject than drugs. It's also my opinion that drugs promote bad behavior, which makes the...

So what? You have a very casual attitude about drugs. You're teaching your kids that same casual attitude right now. Is that what you want to do? I've never seen drugs affect people in a positive way. That includes smoking and alcohol. Employers screen for it, people make less intelligent...

Hello - You seem to care very deeply about your wife's feelings. That's a very good place to start. The only power you have is to be honest about how you feel about her, how you feel about others, and what you want in your own life. Your wife will process her feelings in her own way. How she...

Everyone who has replied to this thread so far has given you solid information. Run with it. You are married to the person he is now. Not the person he used to be. You're kidding me, right? Drugs have nothing to do with it? Wake up girl! You give your family the person you are. If you're...

The more I read your words, the more I see a frustrated woman trying to convince her immature husband to grow up. No one comes into this world mature and self aware. It takes time to get there. He's going to grow up at his own pace and for his own reasons. The real question for you is do you...

The more you read about poly, the more you'll notice the best advice always starts with explaining how important it is to be honest with yourself and others. That seems to be the hard part for a lot of people. That's where it all starts. That is the foundation. Without that, you might as well be...

That sounds very honest. Sounds like you're taking the time to acknowledge yourself, and get to know yourself better. That's a very good thing. It takes courage to be honest. The same kind of courage it takes to be happy. I applaud your courage. Most people have uncomfortable feelings from time...

I agree with CielDuMatin. I'll just add one thing. J seems like a very unstable person. It seems to me he will add instability to your life. Do you want that? Romantic attraction can have a powerful pull on some people. You know what its like to be with someone for decades. You know the intense...

I see a pattern of your husband doing what he wants, and you reluctantly learning to accept it... ...or just plain putting up with it. What is going on with that? That pattern is mixed thoroughly into your relationship. My guess is its been there your entire relationship. That will have to...

Your question is: How can I get her to be trustworthy? My two questions to you are: Why do you think you can "get her" to be anything? Why do YOU want to STAY with a DISHONEST person?