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Nothing about that is truely Poly. They should stick with the Open Relationship label. From what I read, they weren't seeking a unicorn for a triad, they were open to finding someone they each liked and connected with. So who cares if she doesn't like his choice? If she was secure in the...

There are other ways to look out for #1 without it being at the expense of others. There is compromise, communication. You said it best in an earlier post, "I'm struggling with this and will need alot of reassurance...." I look out for #1 too. But I could never live with myself knowing...

WH. I agree with you. History, Tenure, Finances, Owning property, Children etc would tend to make the scales tilt to the Primary Relationship. I don't know that full equality would ever be possible based on those circumstances. But what CAN be equal is consideration and effort. Both partners...

This didn't happen to me, it happened to Mercury. My bf and I are stronger than ever! He actually has assured me quite adamantly that, after 2 years together, I am too important to him to be veto'd. :D But, I am with you on one thing, if this thing with him does end at some point for...

Exactly that! You don't have to be in a poly relationship for your significant other to leave you for another person! Redpepper said it best in another thread, Veto's come from fear and insecurity. My boyfriend did say those things and he meant them. But it didn't mean that he was going...

I think that Veto's are wrong. Period. If one can't trust their partner to make the right decisions for themselves, they simply shouldn't be in that type of relationship. The concept of poly is about respecting your partner's nature to love more than one. Respect should also be extended to...

RP - I just wanted to THANK YOU for saying this. I just replied to another post on here by a girl who was veto'd and is hurting because of it. Nothing about veto'ing someone you have invited into your partner's life sounds right. You trust your partner to go down the poly path, you should...

I'm so sorry this happened to you. ((hugs)) I'm sure I speak for those of us who are in similar situations as you were that we feel your pain as we sometimes fear a similar fate for ourselves. My heart hurts reading your post. 7 weeks, 2 years. It's irrelevant. I understand the sanctity...

I was! YIKES!! :eek: He came over to my house to talk it out and I cried my eyes out. He told me that it broke his heart to see me struggling and so sad. I felt so exposed, so vulnerable. As I quietly sobbed, on my couch, in front of the fireplace, my face buried in my hands, he knelt...

I tried to "vent anonymously" too and posted a thread starting with "I'm the other woman." :D Problem was, I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend via email about my support on here, he read the threads, which was fine, he already knew 99% of the stuff I wrote. He just thought it was...

Sounds familiar :) Hey there. I was a little spooked reading your post as it sounds quite similar to one I started many months ago. I've been in a similar situation as you for the past 2 years and the truth is, it CAN work, but not without struggles, heartache and some compromise. My bf and...

Good points, but that's not what she said. :D This isn't a privacy issue, she feels disrespected. She said that she felt the posts were made directly for her benefit. She's suspecting malicious intent of his gf in her postings. She may be right. But she may be over-reacting and it's...

The bigger question to me is WHY you feel that this is being done with malicious intent, why feel disrespected? It seems as if this is a symptom of a larger issue of jealousy, envy or insecurity. Are you guys friends or at least friendly toward each other? I'm guessing not. Are you friends...

Okay, I'll be the first to admit that I've tried this TEA thing given my tendency to overthink! And it works! Go figure! All you overthinkers out there (and we know you are out there!!!) TRY IT. Thanks for sharing your story. Keep up the self exploration, it will pay off in the long term.

This too shall pass. Redpepper. I feel for what both you and Mono are going through. To give you an alternate perspective and Mono some support as a fellow secondary..... I identify as mono. I love only my bf. He is my world. He is poly, loving me and his live-in SO. He has told me...

Good Luck IrisA! It's been said on here plenty, poly won't fix existing relationship issues. Whatever you decide to do, it's good that you are giving it a fighting chance, opening your mind and heart to salvaging your marriage first. Best of luck and lots of love to you and your family. :)

Questioning. I just wanted to say thank you for this thread. The TEA concept is new to me but wow, it's a powerful tool to difuse a challenging emotion. I'm not offering advice of any sort just a thank you for sharing. Your insights have helped me and I'm sure others as well. If there's any...

And I'm with both Papergrace and AnnabelMore. This isn't poly, it's forced acceptance of an open relationship. That is obviously not something that you want and your set of rules are the means to regain some control over this life you hoped for with her. Yet she's not being too receptive to...

There's a lot of great thoughts and points of view noted on the other replies however I want to offer a different perspective. Just random thoughts from experience and from what I've read on here. I don't expect you to answer my questions, just food for personal thought and reflection. So...

It's a trial and error process. What works today may not work tomorrow. I was so nervous to meet my metamour (my bf's live-in partner) in the beginning. When we met 6 months into our relationship I thought she was great! It was a relief to know that she and I were both on the same team. I...