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In certain cases, I think it makes sense to veto someone. For example, I would definitely veto any of my partners dating my daughter (who's legally an adult). I think forbidding a partner to date one of your family members, coworkers, etc. is reasonable; they're what some people here call "messy...

There hasn't been much going on in my life, at least relationship-wise. I've been putting most of my time and energy into my holistic business, which, after a few false starts over the past couple of years, finally seems to be taking off! Nothing huge yet, but I have three clients, two students...

I understand what you're saying. Fear of abandonment is one of those things that *isn't* exclusive to people with BPD. I'm afraid of abandonment to pretty much phobia level, but again, my current medical and mental health care providers have rescinded my 2-decades-old diagnosis of BPD. In my...

Even though your ultimate goal is to have a triad, I would recommend trying to find *one* partner first. Finding two partners at the same time who are both attracted to you and both of whom you're attracted to can be difficult. Couples who try to find "a third," or a single person who tries to...

BPD is definitely a thing, but from what I've seen and heard, in my own experience and the experiences of people I know, it has a fair chance of being misdiagnosed. Either someone who *doesn't* have it is diagnosed *with* it, or someone who *does* have it is diagnosed with something else. There...

See, I disagree with this. I have friends to whom I am *extremely* attracted and interested sexually, but I have no *romantic* feelings toward them and wouldn't want a relationship. (A "capital-R relationship," as I think River put it, but then I don't think of friendship as a relationship even...

For me *personally*, a connection with another person isn't a relationship unless it includes sex. That's just how it works for me; I need sex in order to feel connected enough with someone to develop the deeper emotions and trust necessary for something to transition from friendship to...

I didn't get that from the OP. The way I read it, there *is* no "normal" dating routine; it sounds to me like this is the first time her partner has had another partner since they've been together. And the sentence "He invited her to our house so we could all hang out" sounds *to me* like it was...

I'm not entirely new to poly (about five and a half years in), but I still feel very uncomfortable seeing my partner showing any kind of physical affection to any of my metamours. Jealousy and insecurity probably play a role, but it has a lot more to do with my upbringing, in which it simply...

She's rigidly attached to it, and is of the school of thought that once two people (preferably a man and woman, in her worldview, though she accepts other gender pairings because that's just how things are now) are married, they are each other's property and cannot let anyone else interfere with...

Most of my "friends" as in people I know who I'm friendly to when I see them know I'm poly. I've had a few who have said they would never be able to do it, but if it works for me, more power to me. I had one who acted shocked and said she couldn't understand why my husband "let" me do this, that...

I went to another party the weekend before Halloween. Party Guy was there apparently with someone else, but when I asked him, he said he was with her but not *exclusively* with her and that he still wanted to spend time with me during the party. So that happened, but it felt weird and I felt...

I can relate. I strongly dislike dishonesty, whether my own or someone else's, and I have fairly strict guidelines for what I consider to be "honest." I've not had an experience of trying to navigate holidays with a partner's family yet. The closest I've come is holiday-season parties at my...

You're "allowed to" feel however you feel. There's no "one true way" to feel when you're doing polyamory, and there's no right or wrong about emotions anyway, only about how you handle them. It isn't uncommon to worry about being replaced by a new partner. I still deal with it sometimes with my...

I've met several of my current and past partners on dating sites. In fact, until five or six months ago, that was the *only* way I met people who I ended up dating for any length of time. I live near a major city, and there's a fairly active community here, but I don't belong to any groups or...

I'm a little confused. This: doesn't quite match up with this: If he has had relationships with partners, and doesn't only have sex with them, why was it a problem that this one woman wanted more than just sex? Aside from that, with your boyfriend's new person, it sounds like having a...

Thank you. I'm glad to know I'm not overreacting in this case. I know I often view things differently from many poly people, and am bothered by things that wouldn't even rate a second thought from others, so I'm never quite sure when I'm being what some people might consider unreasonable. The...

So... It sounds like you and your boyfriend are not exploring polyamory. Most people consider polyamory to be having the capacity for multiple *relationships*. In polyamory, this: is what's more typical. People have relationships, not *only* sex. (That isn't to say that having only sex makes...

Before he met me, he went four YEARS without any close relationships other than his parents and sister. And he only saw his mother and sister a few times a year; he sees his father regularly only because he works for his father. He had roommates at one point before he met me, but says he only...

I'm glad you said "generally." While it's more than likely true that a lot of people who don't want or need human connection have experienced trauma and/or have some type of pathology, that isn't true across the board. My husband neither has a history of trauma nor has any type of pathology; he...