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I think a lot of couples are very specifically wanting their 'third' to not have a pre-existing partner. I don't know if it's because of a one penis policy thing, or because there is an insecurity there about every relationship being 'equal' (and how could it be equal if she's got a husband...

You asked for kind words. I think what I say might be painful to hear, but I think it's kinder to say it than not. You truly do not know what either of them would think about poly until you ask. Yes, you think you know. And certainly, you know them better than I. However, right now it sounds...

I think your best course of action would be to completely cool it with your new friend. You are not in any position to even fantasise about a poly relationship, because you need to have the consent and agreement of your wife for that. I think it's past time to talk to her about all of this...

I don't honestly think any of us can answer that for you. It *might* be something to do with his bipolar, but it does seem that he has a long history of preference for non-monogamy. In any case, I wonder if that question isn't just a distraction from the fact that, in simple terms, he has hurt...

Sounds like a case of both you and he knowing that he was poly when you met, but both (mistakingly) thinking that he could switch to be monogamous with you as soon as you got married. He's been an idiot. He should have spoken up the minute he realised he couldn't remain monogamous, and he should...

Just know, it is over the minute you say it is. She can whine, she can question, she can rail against you all she likes. You are not obliged to stay there and listen to it, nor are you obliged to address her questions in any way. You need to take care of you, and if that means simply walking...

Sounds to me like this is his issue to deal with on his own, and that what you could do with is some insulation from her erratic overtures. In your shoes, I'd be explaining to him that this situation was stressing me out, I trust he can handle it himself, but prefer to not be dragged into any...

Polygamy is the practise of having multiple spouses. Marriage, whether legal or not, is key. Polyamory is the practise of having multiple loving relationships, which may or may not be marriage-like in nature. In a polygamous relationship, it is not uncommon for there to be a 'one-way' direction...

I think you need to examine how appropriate YOUR behaviour is in the context of this as well, before leaping to conclusions about the nature of Mark and Mary's relationship. Many of the things you list as being indicative of something dark or 'off' about Mark seem to me to be fairly typical of...

I think sometimes people do discover polyamory when they realise they have unmet needs in their current relationship. In fact, it could be said that all poly people have a need that cannot be met in a traditional monogamous relationship - namely the need for variety and multiple loving...

If that's what your mono partner wants and has asked for, then fine. But why assume that they are incapable of processing negative feelings? Why assume that a relationship style that they have consented to (one where you are poly and they are mono) would lead to them feeling like you have...

What you describe sounds more like a bit of a sexual fetish than anything specifically polyamorous. You posted something on one of the terminology threads asking if there is a female equivalent to a cuckold, or someone who is female and into 'hot wifing'. I believe the term is cuckquean, and...

When I'm on dating sites I am explicit that I am in an open relationship, and what kind of new relationship I am seeking. In face to face interactions, it depends on the nature of the enquiry. If someone is making small talk and asks about whether I'm partnered, I tell them about my life partner...

Thanks for clarifying. I hadn't realised that you two had moved in with her. When you are going through a tough period with bad communication, AND you don't have a safe partner-free space to retreat to, it can sometimes fuel the intensity factor a bit. Sounds like you are all juggling multiple...

Can you remind me of the time line here? Is it that you've all been dating a little over six months now? At what point did you all decide that you would close your triad? Did you all decide that? What were the reasons for it? To me, when someone breaks a boundary it means one of two things...

I believe it was in response to this from newtoday:

*raises hand quietly at the back* Yup, you are pretty much describing my partner Nina and I, although we are not yet married (planning it soon), and I'm not sure if dating men is by design, by opportunity, or somewhere in-between. Either way, you're not entirely alone!

NYCindie summed up my thoughts perfectly. I also want to add, no 19 year old in the history of ever is going to last longer than a month or two living with a newborn infant crying at all hours, a toddler tantrumming because their home-life is disrupted by a stranger, and a depressed wife who is...

We will probably have to agree to disagree here. :) As a youngster, I identified almost exclusively as lesbian. I had a lot of attractive female friends that I would occasional think about, but since they were all heterosexual and not interested in me, I got over those crushes pretty darn fast...

I would argue that it's the fantasy you are nurturing that is preventing you from having a platonic friendship with him in the first place, not the fact that you are holding back for fear of upsetting your husband. If all you HAD were genuine feelings of platonic appreciation, then no, your...